Thursday, September 25, 2014

The Real Me

I talk softly but doesn't mean I'm really soft. Its just a waste of saliva & breathe to talk.
The real me : I talk as loud as possible when I'm comfortable with my surrounding people.

I don't respond to people's joke not because I don't care. Its just that I really don't get jokes at all.
The real me: I just hate jokes that doesn't makes me understand.

I really like to stare blank. It doesn't mean that I'm thinking.
The real me: I just completely immerse myself somewhere off to the outer space or another dimension of the world until someone poke my bubble dream.

I always wear comfy clothes whenever I can but it doesn't mean I'm sloppy.
The real me: I dress up for different occasion in a proper way and even comfy clothes it has to be the best and new.

I look like a leader or good in everything that everyone depends on me
The real me: I'm only good on things I'm good at so it doesn't mean I'm perfect in EVERY ASPECT.

I'm a healthy person
The real me: I'm healthy in a sense that I'm still young.

I eat properly
The real me:  I eat properly because I eat healthy food and just indulge everything I've want.

I sleep properly.
The real me: sleeping too much is making my back pain

I exercise
The real me: I do enjoy jogging a lot but become lazy ass when no one accompany me

I have smartphone! Everyone does!
The real me: Less than 20 apps in my phone. Throw my phone in the edges without touching it for the whole night or days when there's no msg or call at all.

I have a lot of sociable best friends
The real me: Envy them for being able to make even more friends. Cause I always sticks to them without getting new friends.

I have a passion for photography
The real me: Struggling and self confidence super low. I just need to practice even more. But I'm getting great result lately! Yay for hardwork!

I love to travel! I need to travel even more!
The real me: I better earn some money before I could even went out and buy food for myself

I just have complicated life & way of thinking.
The real me: It was just my heart & brain fighting together to won over or to concur over me.

The real me just don't give a fuck at all because in the end I'd give a fuck over it. Geddit!?!?

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

No where better

Now that I've been working for 1 month in a new environment, I thought that I could stay in the company longer and become better but I'm no where good. My heart & mind is constantly running away from reality. I hate the fact that I always think too much. If I could just work it out without thinking so much it would be better for me. I wanted to clear my mind but reality kept on pushing back. My heart is aching and I've never felt this empty before. As if my heart suddenly stop sending me signal of what I should do and let my brain concur everything.

If I could just stop thinking too much and about future. Whats important now is not my future but my presence itself. If I don't do better now nothing much will change in the future. Even tho I think that, it still involved my future. How funny is that. These types of thought really makes me so sick. I'm getting so much headache than before lately. 

I don't wanna think too much that's all. END.

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Positive & Negative

Its been a great week at work. I really love the positive environment at my new work place. Even tho I don't have the chances to slack off it makes me more motivated and focused on my current job. I have never thought that I could get into such a great place to work with. I hope I could stay in this positive environment longer. Previous 2 company I've worked with really pressure me with lots of negativity. It makes me irritated and depressed. I'm loving the peaceful environment I'm working now. Because I'm not influenced with negative people. 

Sometimes I wonder if its Karma or deja vu. I've always thought that I'm blessed and my life is filled with good people around. It hit me when my mom said that my previous colleague that I've work with influenced me with negative thoughts. Its true but I don't want to admit it. I'm a person that gets influenced easily especially with negative. Actually I don't mind these kind of people but once I get too attached, I act and behave like them. That's what I hate the most. I tried to be strong but I couldn't but thanks to that colleague I'm out of negative environment. It made me realized that I get frustrated & depressed with these kind of environment with people I'm involved but now I get the best and I'm feeling super great.

Now that good things is happening in my work life it doesn't mean that other else doesn't. The biggest fear that I've thought has already appeared. "Acting strange", this is happening. Whenever something in a family is "acting strange" it brings no good. Even though I'm prepared but when its bound to happen I think I couldn't face it properly. When I knew that "acting strange" is happening I've already running away a lot of times. Sometimes I wonder is it because of my fault. But I know the one who is suffering is not me, its the person that supported this family. 

Drama in reality sure does scary than in movie. I need someone who I can tell and cried and lean on. Thinking these really frustrate me a lot. Give me some positive vibe yooooooo. I'm planning to tell these problem with my close friends but I don't think they will really comfort me for the way I wanted. I missed my most trusted best friend. Every time I'm happy or sad I always think of her and wanted to tell her everything. I probably cried my ass out when I'm going to meet her in the future because she's the only person I love and trusted a lot (I'm straight ok!). You know people move on in their own life. She goes her way I go my way. Adulthood sure sucks. One regretted things I said during my childhood was "I want to quickly grow up and become an adult". But I'm not regretting the way I am now because I have to faced the fact that people grow and change. Its life. 

Thanks to manga/anime I felt much better! lol

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless.

Monday, July 21, 2014


Just got back from my Kuching trip. It will be our last time to go to Kuching for vacation. We went there merely just for their delicacies. Kuching is a food heaven for us. We enjoyed their food. But Malaysia's economy is not doing good. Price increase is the worst and scariest thing. Not to mention the weather in Kuching is so hard to breathe in. The air smells really bad and the haze is really getting worst. One thing I like about Kuching is their laid back lifestyle but it somehow feels empty. 

Anyway got back and I have to face reality again. I'm starting my new job tomorrow. I'm making excuses for not being able to achieve my passion towards photography. I still love my passion but it requires a great amount of effort. I'm moving in a constant time but everything I've been doing for my passion is not moving forward. So I'm taking it slow this time. I don't want to rush. I want to pursue my passion but in different way of achieving it. 

Its going to take time because I want to enjoy it, not rushing for something that makes me miserable & sad. I won't give up even tho its going to take time to achieve. I wanted to capture a lot of great picture all around the world. Capture the moment where people will acknowledge & admire a picture without even speaking a word of it. 

Tomorrow I'm going to start off as new & fresh. I know I still can't believe how much time has passed by & I don't want to remind myself how I hate doing things I don't like but I'm going to move forward no more backward. Its going to be hard & difficult but I will try & do my best of all. Wish me luck & all the best guys. 

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless. 

Friday, July 18, 2014

Too much to handle

For our country Malaysia this is definitely a mourning year for us. With the mystery & tragedy of missing MH370 already breaks our heart, whatnot a recently tragedy happened on MH17. Deep condolence to all the affected people & passenger's family. Also kidnapping incident happening in Sabah right now. Its so frustrated that we couldn't do anything to help but to mourn and pray for them.  

No wonder I've been having nightmares lately. My nightmare is horrible & I couldn't sleep 2 days before & the day of the incident took off. Not to mention feeling uneasy all day night. I'm not saying that I'm able to forecast something or what but my feelings have been shaking a lot lately.

My mom told me that, "No matter where we go or what we do from up sky, ground, road or at home, anything could happen. Its part of our life's cause someday we will die. We just have to admit it." Especially after the MH370 incident occurred. I am so afraid to take flights, it was when I've already prepared to go for my vacation. I'm a timid person I'm scared of death. Even though I'm scared of death, I still wanted to go travel.  Life is too short and we must live without any regrets. 

Now is not the time to blame who is right who is wrong. We should be united as one, and pray for peace. Let us pray for the them, MH370, Sabah kidnap, Palestine & Israel, Russia & Ukraine, war, racial, social media, foremost the people around us & the world we are living now. Let us pray for peace and unity. 

Till then,
God Bless. 

Friday, July 11, 2014

Paradise Kiss

I just finished watching Paradise Kiss. It brings back a lot of memories when I re-watch the anime. I remember watching this when I was 12 plus. Back then around my age, anime were really a hit especially with Japanese song and movie. But its kinda sad that K-pop has over taken the trend. I bet nobody know anyone in Japanese now, even myself. -.- I'm definitely out of the trend right now. So watching new & old anime really makes me happy & emotional. Too much fantasies, so unreal to me that this reality really sucks to the infinity. 

Just as I've said. I'm living in a paradise. I don't wanna leave this paradise because reality has taken its toll on me right now. I'm not ready to face the reality right now, I'm immersing into fantasies just to comfort myself. But I know I couldn't stay in paradise for too long. I'll let go this time, having just for myself, just let me satisfied this paradise until I get pissed off that made me angry & realize for being stupid & recklessly. 

I know I'm making myself staying in the past. Because that's where all the happiness I have. Life of being an adult is really harsh huh. I hope I can make decision soon. I hope. 

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014


What will my future holds I wonder. Is it wishing for a prince come to save my life & life happy ever after? Or throw away your fear & go for a success passion? I've been watching KUWTK for a long time. I felt that I'm a bit similar with Kourtney except for the wealth. -.- I'm fear of changes. Even tho the problem is fading but still unsettle, it frustrated me. I've been thinking too much about the changes I'm going to face instead of moving forward with the decision. 

I've been making A LOT doubt recently. So many doubt it leads me to confusion & fear. I want to escape or just cry out loud with someone beside me without any talking. I need a shoulder. A big shoulder that could comfort me in anyway. Some one who support my passion, who love for who am I. Even in relationship, I rejected. Cause I fear of failure relationship. I hope I could be stronger than anyone. 

I just need to be more optimistic more about my life right now & how grateful that I have family that I love even tho there's imperfection. Every household has their own stories. So I just need to get over it. Work & travel & photography.  This will be my life right now. 

While I'm still young & capable I want to go travel as much as possible. So for now work, travel & photography is all I want. Not love & family this time. That's all I'm aiming for. Nothing more. Just say that I'm selfish or whatever. I want to be more independent. Cause I'd never know what will happen next. Try to be as selfish as ever just for myself & love myself even more. 

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless. 

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Money win

The title says it all. Money win and I'm going for money this time. No matter how hard I go with my passion it won't do good. With money I'm able to go for my passion. Cause money win. I'm struggling between studies & working this time. It was a serious decision. But I go for working. Because with money I'm earning in between I still can go for my passion as a freelance photographer. This time I won't choose the hard way to go. 

I'm going for easy way this time. Because I don't want to struggle anymore. Its exhausting. This time I'm not standing on education side. I really want to go for studies where I really can study and increase my knowledge for photography. In between I'm struggling with tuition fees. How am I going to pay for all the fees? I felt like this won't do good. My parents its on the verge of retirement soon. I'm not kidding even tho I'm only 22 this year. I feel like time is running out way too fast this time. I'm constantly battling with time right now. 

My family's condition weren't that good anymore. That's where I decided that its time to go for money. But in the same time I'm still accepting photography services since its still my passion. So I'm not giving up yet. Not yet. Hope I can go through it. I hope. 

Thursday, June 12, 2014


To tell you the truth I'm not good in sociable, making deal & closing deal, nor good in talking. Most importantly I'm afraid of changes. I got used to sitting down in office working, but then I got irritated for sitting in a desktop for too long. Now that I've got the chance to change. I could improve everything that I'm lack of. Like seriously. PA is such a challenging job for me. I wanted to try out because I can learn a lot, and see the bigger world around us. Not only I'm afraid of changes but also not confident. Where's all the confident I have during high school & college? I lose all of this when I started work.

Not to mention I went to interview & that GM is really nice that I've got nothing to say. She's good in everything especially confident. She could really become an entrepreneur. She kept saying that I'm scared, its not true. I am just speechless. My brain couldn't generate question. I have nothing to ask cause I just can't think of anything. 

I find it so weird. I think that God is leading me somewhere better but I always questioned. I think this is  a great opportunities to explore & learn more. But I'm confused & scared. I'm in doubt. Sometime its hard to get out from our own comfort zone & challenge one self. In the end I still think that going for my passion is the right thing. It may take time to get out of my fear & comfort zone but I believe going for what I really want will eventually lead to better way. Even tho I'm struggling in my passion but with hard work I will definitely achieved it. All I need to be right now is thick skin so I can improve my confident. lol

Anyway I'll be MIA for 2 weeks since I'm travelling again this time. Korea here I come! Mean more blog post to share to you all on my main blog! Click down below to view my blog. :)

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Favorite Country

If I have tons of money I would definitely go to this place.
Its like my dream country to visit Paris. 
Lets work hard from now on! 
Oh I'm flying off tomorrow for my next trip. 
I was overwhelming from the last trip to Penang so I kinda felt nuisance. lol
How can I say no to travel?

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless

Saturday, May 31, 2014


I always thought that going for my passion is hard but its even harder. A lot harder and a lot of confusion going on. I'm playing this game way too safe. I always thought that I came out from my comfort zone, to tell you the truth I haven't. And now I'm in state of confusion. Even if I'm working hard on my passion it always leads to something else. Really. Sometimes it pushes me away yet I still want to go for it. Its like playing hard to get that kind of relationship thing. Now that I go for my passion I wonder if this IS my passion or NOT. 

I know that once I've change my path it will be different, my future will be different. What if I just go for my passion? What if I just go with the flow instead? What if........ So many what if. Voomei is in a state of confusion right now. Hope I can solve this soon. Bye

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

290514 : Last Day of work

I can finally say I'm officially jobless for the rest of the year. lol I've been so busy with my photography business and not to mention all the photo I've took from my trip to Penang & Langkawi. Also this Sunday we had another client shoot. MY LIFE IS AWESOME! Not yet tho. Been busy organizing my timetable & to do list before I fly off to my next trip again. 

1. I can fully focus into my photography business right now. Not only that, I'm doing a lot of homework about camera, lighting, posing & etc. So much to learn. I'm happy! oh so happy!

2. Going outbound this time! KOREA is definitely my favorite place of all! Not because of Kpop its because their food is oh so delicious & not to mention their fashion & cosmetic. I'm so excited to fly off next week! 

3. Beside photography, I'm working on beauty & fashion, so I'm working out for better body figure! I don't want to make my life so miserable for not fitting into all pretty clothes. Gonna work hard on exercise & dieting. 

4. I'm no longer suffering from working on a place I hate the most. I'm free, I'm happy, I'm self conscious when working on things I like. I felt that I could work & do even better in photography. Passion will always make us improve to a better person. Striving for my dream!

5. Last day of work today was full of deep conversation. I met amazing colleague through this shit work life & they made me so happy. Of course its sad to leave them since we've become so attached and treated each other as friend instead of colleague. We will definitely meet again in the future. 

To all people out there who is struggling to go for your passion I'd say just fucking go for it. If we never try we never know what would happen to our future. Go for a change, it maybe hard, we may find a lot of excuses, we may ignore but one shall not say they live a life without trying to change & go for their own passion. We may fail or succeed BUT that's part of our life. I'm doing this because I want to change not only to pursue my dream but to look deeper in our purpose of our life. We only live once. Go for it I'd say. We are the future, we may change the future to a better place.

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless.

Saturday, May 17, 2014

To all salesman

Like hello!!!! Get the way out? Yes I'm referring to you you You YOU! Its no point selling me anything. I seriously hate sales person. Yes its great to have great sales and enjoy the benefit buying from sales person. But then what if I don't want. Can you see its so hard to reject the offer especially you meet your long lost primary friend and he started talking about insurances.

I was like 'Can you stop talking about your job, its nothing interesting!' 'And stop selling me something'. When I was thinking all of this I unconsciously skip part of the things he was saying. Its so hard to concentrate when people start selling, its like reading or study. You know what I mean? Unless I am really interested in your insurance or any other product then I don't mind listening but now no. I have no money, I'm jobless (I told him I'm still working lollllll), I'm busy setting my business. I HAVE NO TIME FOR YOUR INSURANCE TALK!!!! 

When we meet we should talk about our high school life & our times when we were young & how the others are doing right now. NOT START TALKING ABOUT YOUR SALES. OMG I need a break, I've encountered too much sales person that I really hate because I soon will become one NOO!! I'm seriously not good in socializing anyway so don't call me ever. We even exchange contact just now! OMG Please don't find me. 

Every time I've met people its like I try to avoid talking cause I don't know what to talk nor say. Its like my head trying to find stupid topic to talk about, like seriously. So hard to find topic to new people or people that we've haven't talk for so long. I like to talk when I understand them and they understand me so its great. Anyway I'm not good in socializing need to practice hard on that part. sigh. 

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless

Monday, May 12, 2014


Hi! Am I doing it right or what? I just agreed to stay till end of May. This is the second time I've agreed to my boss that I'd delay a little bit longer. I am so worried that when the day come for the replacement she won't appear. I really hope she come to replace me so I could hand over everything. All the work I've been handling is really a lot. Like seriously a lot even my supervisor doesn't even know. Not to mention now I've kept forgetting things which makes my work even harder. I couldn't concentrate, I feel tired and unmotivated at all. All I do was waiting for my vacation for the day to arrive.

Also I was so excited with the trip on sat, that I've already pack my clothes except for toiletries. My mom was like are you kidding me??? Yeap I've pack my clothes. Probably going to wear the same clothes on June trip again! Recycle comfy clothes on the trip is my essential! haha You know I'm into fashion lately but I has no money to spend. Maybe I'm going to save more on this sat trip and spend a fortune on June trip. June trip is like the most expensive trip I've been to and the most excited ever!! Its a foreign country so I'm excited as fuck!!! GAHHH HOLIDAY WHY U NO COME FASTER AND SLOW DOWN WHEN I'M ALREADY ON HOLIDAY??

Where's all the time we've been doing?? Time is money people! Means more booking, more income, more vacation!!! I'm excited that this year my calender is all pack with awesome event & booking! but I need my holiday right now!!! Oh btw I'm watching a new Korean variety series called Roommate! I love Park Bom! She's awesome and funny! Go watch! Bye

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Family being mehhh

From the outside it looks like they were being supportive but deep down inside they are expecting me to fail and stop all these impossible to happen kind of job I'm pursuing. I understand that because I'm an amateur. Being jobless and doing things from scratch is really hard. All the planning is already making me really tired. Even though it was really tired but I'm happy. Even all the things didn't go accordingly I am happy with it. I think and solved it properly without abandon any of the task I'm facing. 

Unlike with my current job. I purposely abandon all the work, pretend that I forget when I'm not, delayed everything for almost a year. How awesome is that. Yeah I'm being such childish ever in my life. At least I'm getting back in track again with my current shit job, cause I don't want to give bad impression (which already have) even worst. I just hope that the person who is going to replace me doesn't back out, like really, like seriously don't back out. I want to get over with these job A.S.A.P but my mom was like stay there if that replacement doesn't want to replace my position. Obvious intention mom. 

My mom wanted me to stay there as long as possible but I couldn't, I hate it so much that the work load was purposely abandon. How could I even stay at there longer? I just couldn't do it. Now to compensate my shit behavior I'm going to clear out everything I could so that my replacement could suffer less. lol Which probably going to be easy for her as if she just went to work just like going to vacation. Oh please hurry up time!! Let me go to vacation! When its vacation time I hope the time just slow down. I'm just being bitchy sometimes. Thank for reading my shit life here. 

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Random Thoughts : Vacation & Reality

I cannot wait for the time to come to go on vacation! Its been awhile since I've go to any vacation. I long for it. As time approaching, I find myself stuck. I've delayed another 2 weeks before new colleague is going take over my job. Maybe because I still felt insecure right now. So I try to stay as long as I could in this shit company. In the same time I couldn't wait to get over it.

Things hasn't going good lately. I get good respond but I couldn't get any customer for the moment yet. Its just 1 sample and its not enough. I need more sample to convince them I am the best. As I looked through all people who is in the same path I'm going, it seems that there are way more than I've expected. Ads keep popping up from the same field I'm in. I couldn't possibly do any ads with all the expenses I have accumulated. I need a decent plan for now. 

Planning is not easy. Plan A not working, go for Plan B, if not C, D or more. I'm working on it. Even if parents were pouring reality on me, I still believe that I could achieve it. I just need some proper plan and time. I can do it!!!!!!! Never give up!!! There's a lot of people really inspired me to go for my dream, it encourage me a lot. 

Sometimes I do felt like I could burst out anytime, when my partner is just being low class. Maybe because I've got influenced by all those from people surrounding me. I think differently. I act like a high class people when I'm not. Because that's how society do now days. You have to act in order to get attention. Being pure hearted or honest could sometimes destroy everything. So I set a high standard when I know I'm not in that level yet. Because I wanted to be the best. 

Everyone is dressing up, expensive dinner, expensive gadget, that's how we are now. We are setting it a high standard because everyone started to judge, from head to toe. It was not long ago I was off from work, I somehow unexpected wearing really old shirt to a mall. I felt embarrassed, really embarrassed. I felt out of the place, I felt ugly, I felt fat, everyone is judging at my appearance, I wanted to run away, hiding somewhere that no one could judge me. This is reality. Everyone judge. Its getting sick. 

Till then,
Cheers and God Bless.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Move forward

Starting up was not easy. We still have a lot of things to prepare before the shoot begins. Everything goes on smoothly. Only worried that the sample is not ready till the promotion ends. It's been awesome week. My parent's support felt weird to me although I've already knew how they would react. But everything is so surreal right now. I need to slap my face again. lol I cannot wait to start off our sample shoot. 

Its going to be awesome. Still have a lot of things to go through, back drop, accessories, lighting and etc. We are starting small but we hope we can go big enough to be international recognized. I have bigger dream! But I'm still moving forward one step at a time. I don't want to rush anything and just go with the plan we arranged and go for it. Its going to be awesome indeed! Also even when I do photography doesn't mean that I won't do any else. I'm learning to make video! I'm growing and learning more. Just hope that everything will be fine and awesome! 

Till then,
Cheers and God Bless. 

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Thank You Post

Hi Monkey Girl! Just in case you are going to read this blog again lol. Thank You for your great motivation. Even just a word it really makes a big deal for me. I felt really touched and motivated! This blog has been really private. I share to no one at all when I've graduated from high school so I only have a few reader on this blog than the other one that I've always shared. Anyway, let's Hi five for being 22 *virtual high5* 

You know taking risk of being jobless is hard especially when I personally don't even know what will happen 3 months later. But of course I have other optional for working back on what I'm certified as an account student. No worries about that. I still can start over by getting a job and when I'm ready I'm going for it again until I can earn income from my dream job.  We're still young! 

Telling parents about this is really great but I've always aimed for timing. When its the suitable time I'll eventually tell my parents about it. I'm just scared that they weren't as supportive and oppose my decision. I'll get through about that soon. haha

Oh btw I love Kuching!! Crazy about their cheap and delicious food! Can't wait to go there again! Thank You again Monkey Girl!

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless. 

Friday, March 28, 2014

A little bit of Motivation

Its been so much of an overwhelming week. I couldn't believe that its already the end of March soon. I promise myself that I would brave up myself and told my parents about my plan, my future. But its so hard to speak out. So I'm still keeping everything to myself except for the partner I'm working with. I just keep everything from my parents and rather to spurt out everything in the social media. Not all was reveal cause I wanted to keep it to myself until it was a success plan to reveal everything. I'm that kind of person that don't even want to talk anything because its not worth to talk about it anyway. Maybe some day or one day I will talk everything about it. 

I've been reading lots of motivation quotes from people I've admire from bloggers to celebrities. It really push up my spirit to pursue for what I belong. A place where I should belong. Of course there's uncertainties because we haven't officially start to get any client so we don't know how it will goes. There maybe difficulties coming towards us soon but I know in the end of the success its going to all worth it. No Pain No Gain. 

Till then,
Cheers and God Bless

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Freaking weather

Its been crazily hot, I mean after CNY its getting hotter and hotter by day even at night. I could literally sweat like mad cow without even exercise. Especially when I'm running errand outside on the noon it literally burns my skin. My arms are so tan right now I don't even need to go sun tanning at all. With just 1 hour of sun is enough for me to get tan skin.

Oh I even sweat so much that my weight drop. LOL I practically loss weight from all the heat of the sun while running some errands. I don't know if it a good thing or not. Not to mention the construction site is building up. All the dust and sand literally makes our house really dirty some more with no rain making it more worst to the air. The air is so dirty that sometimes I could feel like I couldn't breathe at all. Even shutting down all the window is just making the house stuffy. 

I miss having those days where we would wear sweaters at night and the rain is pouring down making me want some hot choco while cuddling with my huge comfy blanket. ahhh I miss those day! Definitely going to wait till end of the year where monsoon weather is invading the cities. I'm sweater weather girl ya know. Need some rain! Rain oh rain please fall down so that the haze doesn't get worst. Need some fresh air man.

Till then,
Cheers and God Bless

Thursday, March 20, 2014

In Doubt

I am seriously terrified by all the decision I've made lately. I get so insecure right now. I think I'm getting more worried when I stop full time working to pursue my passion. It is so scary and so uncertain about my future right now. That's why they say going for our dreams is hard and risky. Because I have no proper income, expenses is really huge right now. Even tho I've only planned all the expenses needed it really doesn't seems to cover up for another 3 months when I'm going to start. 

So practically I'm going to be jobless, no income, no customer and all the money I've save up for this dream only get lasted for the next 3 months after I've completely resign from my current work. With the suddenly expenses rising up and all the cost I need to pursue my dream is terrifying! 

I started to get stress from it, all the sudden plan and arrangement is making me so stress up! All the stuff I'm preparing is getting on properly. Its almost 50% done before I could set up other stuff. So much things to do yet so little time, not to mention all the expenses pilling up! 

Sometimes my partner thinks that these dream is so easy to fulfilled but actually its not. Just with my own start up its making me headache. I had to plan properly for it so that I could survive for the next 3 months lol Gahhh I just hope everything goes on smoothly and well planned. My mom is going to be so pissed at my decision. Oh well life still goes on. I don't want to regret. 

Till then,
Cheers and God Bless.

Monday, March 17, 2014

It's Happening

I can't believed I've already made the decision to resign. I've never felt this happier ever in my life. But I do somehow get insecure because I'm taking a risk for being jobless for the next 1 month time. Which means no income for me to start my own freelance work. It's happening right now! I can feel it. I'm making plans for all the things I need to buy (means a lot of expenses as well) I'm hopping the budget I have now could really go through it till I've got my first customer. 

To tell you the truth, I'm afraid of this failure even when I haven't even started planning yet. Cause this is so big risk to me. I'm doing this because of my passion and I want to make my dream comes true! What not doing things I like than struggling everyday hating the job I hate working. I wanted to go through my life meaningful without regrets.

We may fall down through this journey but I'm sure it will be worth it. I really hope that my family would be proud of my success. I want to make my passion a success! Let along this journey begins! Do visit my main blog for more updates and all the happening that is going through out this journey! 

Till then,
Cheers and God Bless.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Its Time

The day has finally come. Its the day where, I figure it out that I couldn't hold it anymore, the day that I have to get away from these miserable life of mine. I've been waiting for more than 6 months or more than that, waiting for boss to lecture me about the life of being a successful account executive. Once and for all it happened to be today. I cannot believe boss finally told me that I could do better and the stories goes on. That's where I realized I've endured and secure this position for too long.

Last year, around this time of the month I was waiting to resign and get better job offered but I'd stayed. After all the tremendous amount of interview session I realized that money and position as account is not what I want. I want to fulfilled my passion. My longing passion that I've kept aside. Because I told myself that I still can endured until I found a job that is my dream job. Now I even realized that I can't pursue my dream because I am in the constant pause. I kept delaying and torturing myself with the current work which makes my life miserable.

No matter how I endured to secure this job I hate it, I'm constantly losing motivation to move on. I told myself I could stay at this current company until I'm old enough to replace the current Executive. But I was wrong, Because I knew that I hate my current job, I couldn't solve any problem, I couldn't think straight, I couldn't absorb all the things I've wanted to work on later, I couldn't move on and learn more. I STOPPED. My heart has finally stop all these endurance I'm giving to myself and telling me to move on a better job that I've always dreamt off. 

Finally its time to say goodbyes to the current one and pursue what I've kept aside. Wish me luck!

Till then,
Cheers and God Bless

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

What The Fuck Am I Thinking?

Good job opportunity is in front of me. I just wouldn't want to step forward. Not at all. My mind says go for that abundant money but my heart refuses to accept it even with the current work I'm working. I have no heart to work further anymore. I couldn't get hold on myself. Seriously. I get better offer this time more better than the previous one that I've rejected. 

I promised myself that in 2014 I will grab the opportunities in front of me. I really wanted to grab and venture different company but I'm not happy at. I'M NOT HAPPY AT ALL. No matter how much money I earn from work, I'm still not happy. Because I'm not doing things I like. I hate it seriously. Even if I rejected the offer would I be better later? I don't think so. Its going to be same.

Everyone said that its easy to move forward when there's opportunities but what if its not the one that I like? Whats the purpose anyway? Unless I take the risk to really go for my passion. Its a big risk tho. With no proper income, with all the expenses covered by my own, fighting with creativity, get own client. How am I going to that? Its not easy to take risk, even business has their own risk. Each step we took has the risk. 


Decision Decision Decision

Till then,
Cheers and God Bless. 

Friday, February 28, 2014

Midnight strike

Sometimes I really don't know what I want. At first I thought that money wins everything. As long as there is money in front of me I'll take it. But everything that involved money has a risk. I do somehow wonder what if I take that opportunity in front of me? What is my changes? Because I declined that offer. I rejected that money to change into a new environment but still the job I hate the most. 

So I was thinking that, maybe I should just keep going for what I have now, maybe I'll wait a little longer things might change as well but it takes longer. I choose the longer way to go for my passion. But I believe the longer I wait the better I will be. As a human of course we are in greed of certain things, but sometimes we need to choose to let go. Because let go doesn't mean good and it doesn't mean bad as well, it depends. So being optimistic is they way to go through all the things no matter how hard it is.

I want to promise to myself within 1 or 2 years later I am able to go for my passion I've always wanted. I don't want to just talked about it and then regret of not doing anything of it. I'm taking things step by step. Going to look for inspiration, location, budget and travelling.

Speaking of travelling its really crazy I think! This year I'm going to travel to 4 places. IT IS UNBELIEVABLE! My 2014 wishlist is definitely came true! I promise myself I should travel as much as possible before I'm getting old. Because I wanted to document all the place I've visited and make it as a memory to be able to share to my child and grandchildren. 

I felt that travelling is a great thing because we enjoy other countries culture and amazing scenery that we've never seen before. Therefore, I'm saving more money for DSLR! So I can capture the most amazing picture as well as shopping till I drop lol. Hope this DSLR thing would come true! hahaha Save money! ush ush ush

Don't forget to visit my main blog for more general updates and event!

Till then,
Cheers and God Bless. 

Saturday, February 15, 2014

I need holiday

I am feeling so exhausted lately. All the mentality torturing is horrible. I HATE TO WORK IN FRONT OF THE DESK EVERYDAY WITH NO PASSION AND DREAM. Its great to get income from work but all the mentality torture is difficult to handle. No matter how easy or hard is. I really need to relax. 

I just went to interview today. Before that interview part, my current supervisor already suspicious of me for wanting to leave the company. Fuck you supervisor, for all the trouble you throw to me no matter how big or small is I ENDURED! Been following all the thing you've asked. So hard to have a poker face whenever you throw the blame on me. 

So I went to interview with 50% of confidence and 50% of doubt. Of course doubt surpassed the confidence. They asked way too much, so much that they even want to know my hobbies and interest! I even blurred out that I do blog, which I am. I was like NUUUUUUUUU!!!!!! They know I do blog they must be wanting to checked out what I was thinking and saying all those bad stuff like now. HAHAHA Can't they just leave my personal life alone!? I need privacy as well. 

I even blurred out nonsense when I was interviewed. I couldn't think properly at all. Basically their working environment doesn't match with my style. JOB IN MALAYSIA IS NO FUN! I MEAN ALL THE JOB IN THE WORLD IS NO FUN! :(

So I went back to office doing nothing. Seeing my supervisor went out shopping with her daughter really irks me to punch her in the face. My supervisor can go out doing her personal stuff everyday but when we went out for awhile we get questioned. The heck is this people think about. 

Everything happened really fast right now. I couldn't catch up with the happenings. I just want to relax and cry out loud and sleep. I'm so tired right now that I might break down anytime soon. I couldn't stand up properly right now. 

But I'm so thankful that my friends are here for me. Especially Diana, she called me while I was writing this post. I felt better with just a short conversation. It released my tension a bit, makes me even want to cry more. T______T It was not easy to please this society even if I haven't even step into a bigger world yet. I'm not sure if I can take the stress when I am pursuing my passion.

My dream and passion is a place where they critic my work no matter how good or bad it is. How am I going to encounter this stress alone? I think I need more time to make it work on. Its going to take a long time but I hope its going to be worth. Hopefully. 

Till then,
Cheers and God Bless. 

Thursday, January 30, 2014

It's the time of the Year.

Year of Horse this year to be precise. They said this year is the best year. I'm not sure but hopefully. Urghh I still hate my job. I take back for saying I like this job in the previous post. I cannot wait to get over it. Now I'm looking for a new job. This shit company I'm working didn't increase my salary even though I got bonus but I think increase salary is important as well, at least Rm50 or Rm100 is enough. For all the hard work I've did and FORCED to remember to remind Boss and shit working people. I think I had enough of this shit environment. I couldn't wait to get out from it. Enough with the shit work life, I could overcome it when the times come. 

So holiday finally starts and less than 30 min its going to be CNY!! Fireworks and fire crackers are going to be booming loud to welcome the New Year. I couldn't believe another year have pass through. I didn't know where all the time had gone. I felt like the time I'm using right now doesn't satisfied me. Working hour the lesser the better, the fun times I'm having the longer the better. I feel so old right now. Like seriously old. 

This season is the best! I get to see my families. Having them around is sure fun and amazing. Even though its tiring but we had lots of chatting session and lots of laughter. So good to spend time with all of them. That's when all the marriage or searching for boyfriend material topic came up. Just so you guys know my bro has a girlfriend, and my cousin who is the youngest has boyfriend. So "old people" tend to asked when I'll get a boyfriend. It was kinda depressing for not having all hype and embarrassed to get question about boyfriend material. They we're shy for getting asked about their partners but I am depressed for getting asked when I'll get a boyfriend. 

To tell you the truth, I'm not ready to commit any relationship. Even if they're really interested in me, I wouldn't even want to think nor imagine at all. I would ignore all guys that is interested in me. Like literally ignore all. I couldn't even imagine to bring a guy that I like and introduce to my family. I wanted to have a boyfriend but I just automatically reject it. It's my nature to reject. I like saying no. I couldn't help it. So I don't even bother having thinking about it. I'll let it go through fate. 

Sorry to hear my babbling stories on these festive season. I just couldn't hold it. LOL Anyway, Wishing Everyone Prosperity and  Good In Health and Have a Great Day Ahead! 

Till Then,
Cheers and God Bless

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

The other side

Having a lot of thoughts and controversy on my own today. Just 30 minutes before office hour was over. I was called in, to meet with boss. It wasn't that big issue for me but boss called QS as well, at first of course it was our mistake to forget things. Then 2nd issue arise, called up purchasing for the problem it was still our fault for making mistake on the project. Yet all the problem was to actually aiming at them. Its like I'm part of the fault but the fault was directed to them instead of us together. 

I felt relieved that Boss didn't actually blaming it on me because all the things was supposed to be their work but I ended up doing their part of it. In a sense the fault wasn't on me but to them. But in somewhere I felt bad and guilty for them taking all the blame even tho I helped them and still there's a problem occurred. When they left the room Boss and I had a short conversation. I am happy that Boss compliment me for doing my job and able to deliver what boss wanted. On the other hand Boss gave a small dissatisfaction towards them.

In my mind I'm so happy for the compliment but on the other side how could I be happy when Boss told me that their performance drop. I couldn't accept happy and worst in the same time. Its like I've got a promotion up while the others got fired that kind of feeling you know!? I don't know how to react or to respond the feeling I have right now.  

Last month and this month has been an intense situation for me. I am getting more work than before. But I started to like this busy work life. It gets me work up so much, my brain is working so fine. Previously I've been nagging and shitting all sort of stuff of my work life because my brain is decaying. I didn't work anything at all for 4 to 5 months. I literally online everyday, looking at the clock waiting for work off. But now I try to finish everything before working hour ended, as of there's so little time for me to complete my task. Self accomplishment is getting better, I hate to say I like this job. Account was not my thing at all. I never like it. Actually I like the busy life, no matter what job it is as long as it is busy and I can complete all the job I am happy. But I still have to find the one job that I truly like. 

Mom said I should make compliment as a confidence in myself. Of course it makes a great impact to strive more and better but confidence I'm not sure. I hate it when I have confidence what if in the end I fell hard. I hate it. I don't think I could take all the consequences and tragic if something went wrong. I might collapse and escape from it. I'm taking it as simple as possible, If I am able to do it I will if not I will ask. I am still young, I don't want to stick into the same job I'm having now. I need to find and get other job, I need to experience different kind of environment because I know I still have a lot more spaces to expand my knowledge and improvement. 

It seems that I can't properly explain my feelings right now. All I hope is everything will be alright.

Till then,
Cheers and God Bless.

Sunday, January 19, 2014


Planned everything perfectly and the plan goes well in the end.

The day before we planned everything out. We decided to escape work for a short while to go out for interview. We're doing the wrong thing but it feels right. We prepared for it. I am basically super nervous about the plan whether it works out or not. 

In the morning with all well prepared document and suit up for the occasion. We were waiting for the time, the perfect timing to escape. Finally its time to go. First of all we went to site, basically follow the plan properly then we headed to Damai to complete the main task of the day. 

The interview was totally failed. We don't have the license for that job and being offered another one. Shit. All the plans for the escape was totally not worth it. We bought food back to office and being nagged by the supervisor. Sometimes I just don't understand my supervisor being shitty. Perks of having high position eh. 

After working hours, we headed to our next destination. Karaoke session but with another one of the colleague who works till 5pm whereas we work till 1pm on the Saturday. The adrenaline rush we had while helping my colleague to escape. And the plan goes well smoothly. Unpredictable smoothly. 

The plan was so success we felt weird and so much guiltiness. From the morning till end we felt bad. We did the wrong thing but it feels right. I don't know. All I do now is to pray for forgiveness. But one good thing after the interview I felt relieved. Because I know I'm choosing back the pathway I'm suppose to go. 

If the interview was a success I start planning out something different, much more different. There's so many choices in front, so many opportunities I've got. I'm making its way more visible so I can choose properly what I really wanted. But one thing for sure 1 pathway is closed. There's more pathway to choose and go. Hoping that some of the sacrifices, guiltiness and struggles would lead a better way. 

Till then,
Cheers and God Bless

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Random Thoughts

Life has been great lately. I think. Not sure if my life is that GREAT. But overall it IS great. Argh, now all I was hoping is to get my bonus as soon as possible. If possible I hope this month I could get it. Sigh-ing super hard right now. What if I don't get it?? Argh. Feeling super frustrated. Been working really hard lately. Working much more better and productive this year ( I mean this month :P ). I'm not sure its because of the new year resolution's trend or just I'm being force to do my work diligently. LOL 

Why should I worry about things like that? Making myself all so misery. Life still goes on. Finally the chances are here and I'm grabbing it hard. All I need to do now is to secure it. But in order to gain I need to let go the current one. I hope the sacrifice I made will turn out better in future. Oh so misery. 

Oh I'm gaining weight like crazy. Super crazy fat ass right now. I practically can feel myself expanding like mad cow. And CNY is getting freaking near!! All the foodies are waiting for me!!! T_____T I'll tell you how to lose weight easily without exercise! Basically you find a plastic stool chair, which looked like this.

And you sit like that all day. As long as your knee is higher than your butt while sitting, the fats in your thigh is practically burning. For better effect you have to hug your leg so that both of the butt and thigh burns. That's the most effective way actually. The longer you sit in that position you can feel the soreness of your thigh and leg muscle. Sitting on a normal chair basically won't work well since your knee and butt is in the same level, and eventually all the fats will all accumulate in your tummy. Think twice when you sit on a chair. LOL 

Another last way to drop weight instead of real burning fats is to eat pure dark chocolate with no sugar content at all. 1 small pieces a day. For 1 month you can see the effect of weight drop. But the dark chocolate must be all in between 75% - 100% dark cocoa with guarantee no sugar content. I seriously need to get that dark chocolate that I've previously bought! It really makes an effect to my body. (All are solely based on my own opinion, don't take it too seriously, if you are taking it seriously you might loss weight (pun of the day))

But of course the most important to loss weight is to exercise and eat healthy. Its even so hard and demotivated to do any exercise lately. Its been raining everyday and night. Craving is getting stronger too. I need to get hold on myself. GAHHHHHHH I WANT AVOCADO (at least this is healthy. lol) !!! 

Till then,
Cheers and God Bless. 

Thursday, January 9, 2014

January 2014

So its already the 2 week of January! Time flies way too fast. Hadn't had the time to blog. Got caught up with work. Been so busy lately. Nearly went sick cause over work. I can work till I forget to drink water. Even tho I still hate my job, I still need to complete all the task given. Its giving me headache lately. Oh well life goes on. Cannot wait for my bonus then I'll slap my resignation on my boss's desk. hahaha I have great imagination. But I'm so worried if I passed my work to new employee, will he/she work properly as I am. Of course I don't mean I do perfect job but at least its all organized. hahaha Compliment all by myself. lol I am grabbing any opportunities arise in front of me. Decision making still sucks.

Facebook is getting boring as well. Same game everyday. It sucks. Been into reading lately. Looking for good books now. Need to buy more books. I notice that I've never read books as much. Obviously I'm lazy and words makes me sleepy. I'm hooked up when the story gets interesting. Been reading The State We're In by Adele Parks. Great story! I don't know how to explain the plot but I assure that its amazing. 

I still feel like its Christmas! Oh the great memories I had with my Church member. Not to say I'm over confident with myself but I noticed and felt that few of the Church members had interest in me. Guys of course. Its like my flower starts to bloom. LOL I was like so curious, why the heck these guys is interested with me. I'm not pretty and I'm fat. And I did notice or should I say they intend to approach me. LOL It was so obvious lol Of course I make myself natural and normal with my friends. It was really different and weird to have people interested with me. My mind was like thinking "Just come in front of me and confess!" LOLLLL I'm being despo right now. But all is good! It means I'm loved. Thank You secret admire lolllllll.

Despite all the worst part on working life all is good! I'm turning 22 this year so I need to suck it up as a grown up. Bye. 

Till then,
Cheers and God Bless.