Saturday, July 26, 2014

Positive & Negative

Its been a great week at work. I really love the positive environment at my new work place. Even tho I don't have the chances to slack off it makes me more motivated and focused on my current job. I have never thought that I could get into such a great place to work with. I hope I could stay in this positive environment longer. Previous 2 company I've worked with really pressure me with lots of negativity. It makes me irritated and depressed. I'm loving the peaceful environment I'm working now. Because I'm not influenced with negative people. 

Sometimes I wonder if its Karma or deja vu. I've always thought that I'm blessed and my life is filled with good people around. It hit me when my mom said that my previous colleague that I've work with influenced me with negative thoughts. Its true but I don't want to admit it. I'm a person that gets influenced easily especially with negative. Actually I don't mind these kind of people but once I get too attached, I act and behave like them. That's what I hate the most. I tried to be strong but I couldn't but thanks to that colleague I'm out of negative environment. It made me realized that I get frustrated & depressed with these kind of environment with people I'm involved but now I get the best and I'm feeling super great.

Now that good things is happening in my work life it doesn't mean that other else doesn't. The biggest fear that I've thought has already appeared. "Acting strange", this is happening. Whenever something in a family is "acting strange" it brings no good. Even though I'm prepared but when its bound to happen I think I couldn't face it properly. When I knew that "acting strange" is happening I've already running away a lot of times. Sometimes I wonder is it because of my fault. But I know the one who is suffering is not me, its the person that supported this family. 

Drama in reality sure does scary than in movie. I need someone who I can tell and cried and lean on. Thinking these really frustrate me a lot. Give me some positive vibe yooooooo. I'm planning to tell these problem with my close friends but I don't think they will really comfort me for the way I wanted. I missed my most trusted best friend. Every time I'm happy or sad I always think of her and wanted to tell her everything. I probably cried my ass out when I'm going to meet her in the future because she's the only person I love and trusted a lot (I'm straight ok!). You know people move on in their own life. She goes her way I go my way. Adulthood sure sucks. One regretted things I said during my childhood was "I want to quickly grow up and become an adult". But I'm not regretting the way I am now because I have to faced the fact that people grow and change. Its life. 

Thanks to manga/anime I felt much better! lol

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless.

Monday, July 21, 2014


Just got back from my Kuching trip. It will be our last time to go to Kuching for vacation. We went there merely just for their delicacies. Kuching is a food heaven for us. We enjoyed their food. But Malaysia's economy is not doing good. Price increase is the worst and scariest thing. Not to mention the weather in Kuching is so hard to breathe in. The air smells really bad and the haze is really getting worst. One thing I like about Kuching is their laid back lifestyle but it somehow feels empty. 

Anyway got back and I have to face reality again. I'm starting my new job tomorrow. I'm making excuses for not being able to achieve my passion towards photography. I still love my passion but it requires a great amount of effort. I'm moving in a constant time but everything I've been doing for my passion is not moving forward. So I'm taking it slow this time. I don't want to rush. I want to pursue my passion but in different way of achieving it. 

Its going to take time because I want to enjoy it, not rushing for something that makes me miserable & sad. I won't give up even tho its going to take time to achieve. I wanted to capture a lot of great picture all around the world. Capture the moment where people will acknowledge & admire a picture without even speaking a word of it. 

Tomorrow I'm going to start off as new & fresh. I know I still can't believe how much time has passed by & I don't want to remind myself how I hate doing things I don't like but I'm going to move forward no more backward. Its going to be hard & difficult but I will try & do my best of all. Wish me luck & all the best guys. 

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless. 

Friday, July 18, 2014

Too much to handle

For our country Malaysia this is definitely a mourning year for us. With the mystery & tragedy of missing MH370 already breaks our heart, whatnot a recently tragedy happened on MH17. Deep condolence to all the affected people & passenger's family. Also kidnapping incident happening in Sabah right now. Its so frustrated that we couldn't do anything to help but to mourn and pray for them.  

No wonder I've been having nightmares lately. My nightmare is horrible & I couldn't sleep 2 days before & the day of the incident took off. Not to mention feeling uneasy all day night. I'm not saying that I'm able to forecast something or what but my feelings have been shaking a lot lately.

My mom told me that, "No matter where we go or what we do from up sky, ground, road or at home, anything could happen. Its part of our life's cause someday we will die. We just have to admit it." Especially after the MH370 incident occurred. I am so afraid to take flights, it was when I've already prepared to go for my vacation. I'm a timid person I'm scared of death. Even though I'm scared of death, I still wanted to go travel.  Life is too short and we must live without any regrets. 

Now is not the time to blame who is right who is wrong. We should be united as one, and pray for peace. Let us pray for the them, MH370, Sabah kidnap, Palestine & Israel, Russia & Ukraine, war, racial, social media, foremost the people around us & the world we are living now. Let us pray for peace and unity. 

Till then,
God Bless. 

Friday, July 11, 2014

Paradise Kiss

I just finished watching Paradise Kiss. It brings back a lot of memories when I re-watch the anime. I remember watching this when I was 12 plus. Back then around my age, anime were really a hit especially with Japanese song and movie. But its kinda sad that K-pop has over taken the trend. I bet nobody know anyone in Japanese now, even myself. -.- I'm definitely out of the trend right now. So watching new & old anime really makes me happy & emotional. Too much fantasies, so unreal to me that this reality really sucks to the infinity. 

Just as I've said. I'm living in a paradise. I don't wanna leave this paradise because reality has taken its toll on me right now. I'm not ready to face the reality right now, I'm immersing into fantasies just to comfort myself. But I know I couldn't stay in paradise for too long. I'll let go this time, having just for myself, just let me satisfied this paradise until I get pissed off that made me angry & realize for being stupid & recklessly. 

I know I'm making myself staying in the past. Because that's where all the happiness I have. Life of being an adult is really harsh huh. I hope I can make decision soon. I hope. 

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014


What will my future holds I wonder. Is it wishing for a prince come to save my life & life happy ever after? Or throw away your fear & go for a success passion? I've been watching KUWTK for a long time. I felt that I'm a bit similar with Kourtney except for the wealth. -.- I'm fear of changes. Even tho the problem is fading but still unsettle, it frustrated me. I've been thinking too much about the changes I'm going to face instead of moving forward with the decision. 

I've been making A LOT doubt recently. So many doubt it leads me to confusion & fear. I want to escape or just cry out loud with someone beside me without any talking. I need a shoulder. A big shoulder that could comfort me in anyway. Some one who support my passion, who love for who am I. Even in relationship, I rejected. Cause I fear of failure relationship. I hope I could be stronger than anyone. 

I just need to be more optimistic more about my life right now & how grateful that I have family that I love even tho there's imperfection. Every household has their own stories. So I just need to get over it. Work & travel & photography.  This will be my life right now. 

While I'm still young & capable I want to go travel as much as possible. So for now work, travel & photography is all I want. Not love & family this time. That's all I'm aiming for. Nothing more. Just say that I'm selfish or whatever. I want to be more independent. Cause I'd never know what will happen next. Try to be as selfish as ever just for myself & love myself even more. 

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless. 

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Money win

The title says it all. Money win and I'm going for money this time. No matter how hard I go with my passion it won't do good. With money I'm able to go for my passion. Cause money win. I'm struggling between studies & working this time. It was a serious decision. But I go for working. Because with money I'm earning in between I still can go for my passion as a freelance photographer. This time I won't choose the hard way to go. 

I'm going for easy way this time. Because I don't want to struggle anymore. Its exhausting. This time I'm not standing on education side. I really want to go for studies where I really can study and increase my knowledge for photography. In between I'm struggling with tuition fees. How am I going to pay for all the fees? I felt like this won't do good. My parents its on the verge of retirement soon. I'm not kidding even tho I'm only 22 this year. I feel like time is running out way too fast this time. I'm constantly battling with time right now. 

My family's condition weren't that good anymore. That's where I decided that its time to go for money. But in the same time I'm still accepting photography services since its still my passion. So I'm not giving up yet. Not yet. Hope I can go through it. I hope.