Thursday, November 8, 2012


Study or Work??

What can I do with study!?
1. Get educated more on economy and the current situation occur.
2. Socialize better
3. Can have boyfriend (optional) :P
4. I can talk better and confidence increase dramatically (depends)
5. Become the leader in group or in charge once a while
6. Having a good memories with group mates.
7. Be young, free and happier
8. Flexible time
9. People are friendly
10. Job opportunity widen

1. Financial problem (family economy perspective)
2. Stress with assignment n exams (temporarily)
3. Parents would worry
4. Course chosen might not be able to cari makan (can't get a job)
5. Can't pass exam have to repeat another semester
6. Studying some times does not relate to work field

What can I do with work!?
1. Save and earn money
2. Spend all the money you can (travel, electronic device, car, house, etc)
3. Getting work experience
4. Be more mature and responsible (depends on the person itself)
5. ( I can't find anymore benefit :( )

1. Can't socialize
2. Doing the same routine for 365 days
3. Stress for being scold by unreasonable people
4. A lot of misunderstood
6. All people I know either get married or ugly or no standard or.....idk -.-
7. Know who backstabbing who ( true -.- realistic)
8. Don't want to take risk
9. Force myself to do things I don't want to do (not sexual pls)

All the statement I've mention is only based on my perspective. All the sum up was because of money and job opportunity actually. I FELT HELPLESS. I'm so confuse right now. On the month on Oct, I was so deemed to go to study and I actually told my parents what I want to study. Basically money is the problem and also the course that I've wanted to take. 

Then slowly its already Nov. I started to feel that study was meh... I can't handle the stress!? Giving lots of excuses beside money. 

In my mind I've always has this type of thinking. I want to study but but but but but.......... I want to work but but but but but but........ So many excuses till I don't know how to choose. 

The main point of me studying is because I wanted to gain my confidence back and I wanted to work on what I wanted. I totally lost all my confidence after I graduated my Diploma. Totally lost all. Everything was a mess in talking, don't dare to start any of the conversation nor find a topic to talk. It's like a total despair. I've always wanted to achieve my dream. I felt like I somehow plan all my future ahead if I took the course and study.

I think I cant keep all the secrets now. 

What I've plan was to study degree for 3 years. On the final year I would go to apply for working visa either to New Zealand or Australia. Then working for 1 year in overseas and save some dollar money. I would fly to NY/ California and work in my dream company. Yes I've founded a lot of company A LOT I MEAN that I wanted to work with but everything was way too far.

On the other hand,
If I work. I can earn a lot of money and travel every where I want, but holiday travelling wasn't the thing I want (I want to stay at there. Learn their culture, live like their life, enjoy what we don't have.) Beside, If I don't find a job I like I will never live happily at all. NEVER! After 2 weeks of working in new environment. I started to complain everyday. I can't stop complaining. Never ending stop complain even if it is non of my business.

Never in my life I've complained so much. Never!! Its like ending my time, day, weeks, months, year WASTED!! I want to do something I've wanted to do something meaningful and lots of memories to be remembered.

I wanted to be a full time blogger or a photographer or a event planner! These is what I want!! Not account/ admin sitting in the office typing, filling for the whole life!! I want something fun, adventurous, feeling of a great accomplishment, standing and think what I've done so perfect that my client/ friend/ whatever it is says Thank You to me sincerely and hug me for it. That's what I've always felt and wanted. 

There's a self accomplishment that I've wanted to achieved. I wanted to do something that makes my heart melt down in happiness and unforgettable and be recognize as who am I and what I've did for the best.
I don't want to struggle in despair or lifeless or lack of self esteem. 

It's a feeling that you and even me myself can't describe. I want that. These is what I've wanted. But what will I chose!? I can't foresee my future, I can't plan my future accordingly. Plan might change sometimes.

Will see.
God Bless. :)