Monday, July 18, 2016

Is age the problem?

Its been awhile for me to update on this blog. Probably because I'm trying to express deeper here. It gets a bit personal for me. So I want to blog about. Now that I have settled in Perth I left everything behind and look for something new and adventure. But it seems that I am still reminiscing my time back home with people I'm dear with. 

As far I have been here trying to adapt Aussie culture and life, I learnt something new. Human are so realistic. It doesn't matter how old or young when they could change their life into better and greater they will strive for it. I knew that Aussie especially Perth has great amount of Asian immigrant and students. The life in Aussie is so great that people are trying to get into here. No matter how absolute the fact is.  

I am currently staying at Geraldton WA. It is small town just like KK but less building and people, approximately 40,000 people. Its really a relaxing and calm town to begin with. As soon as I arrived I felt different compared back home. Back home are full with busy traffic, tall building, shopping mall and people. Its getting tons of people in KK right now that I hate it so much. Crime rate even increased as well. Not a friendly and happy city like it used to be. 

There are much more elder in Geraldton here. Because most youngster went to bigger city life Perth or Sydney or Melbourne. There's always much more people in the big city. As far as I'm concerned that most elder are married with Asian. The older guys are looking for Asian wife because they will take good care of them. Not only that Asian here do spread words to others when Aussie elders are looking for long term partners. Currently the highest Asian population in Geraldton is Vietnamese and China. 

So they don't really care for the age gap between them. I mean if it is acceptable for them it means that it is alright. Of course there are small certain people who just couldn't accept it. Its just that this world turns differently than it use to. LGBT, age gap difference, difference nationality is such common in our life's right now.

But I couldn't find myself falling for them. I mean I'm still in unrequited love position for 3 years but I STILL LOVE HIM. Even when we didn't chat or anything as long as we meet up I am the happiest and most loved. Not to mention I was with flirting with younger guy. We had lots of sweet talk but I'm so afraid that he would really took it seriously. So I draw a straight line and never contact him ever since. I mean I shouldn't do that to him, it is because he could find someone younger and beautiful and smarter person than me.

Maybe I should just find some Aussie guy here and married off. I need to forget my unrequited love and just really find anyone who is good to me. I'd always find it hard to forget the person I love so much. Cause they always hold special meaning and feelings. Anyway I'm gonna celebrate my birthday in Aussie so its fine! hahaha

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Someone save me!

I need distraction. I really want to run away. Please save me. I feel so desperate right now. I've been so negative lately that it really affects me so badly. I couldn't calm down nor have a rest. I don't want to say but I feel like dying. Its not that I want to die but the depression & negative is so hatred right now its pushing me down. I'm so scared. I felt so suffocating. I'm tired. I always felt that I don't want the day arise where I'll be alone at home waiting for time to pass by. My head is spinning right now. 

I'm drowning. I need to run away from here a.s.a.p. I want to cry all night long. Just cry, just cry. 

Oh God save me!

Tuesday, February 16, 2016


Making a comeback session on this blog! I haven't abandon this blog as it kept so much memories when I've first started it. I have my small amount of reader here. My friends who blogs were gone nor updating for years now. I think in the future I will continue to blog either here or at here VOOMEI.BLOGSPOT.MY At first my purposed of 2nd blog was created to define my overall lifestyle I experienced from travelling to content that I find it useful to my reader. As time goes by, things do get back to when I first started in this blog.

I stopped posting travel post nor any content, I began to wrote long words & letters to express my life I'm going through. I don't really want to let anyone get into deep about what I have been thinking. But all these frustration is pilling up so badly. I haven't rant as much as before & I'm keeping it to myself so much that physically & mentally drained.

I always thought that running away is the way of doing things right. I still do feel that way. Escaping reality is hard. The minute you enjoy your long awaited holiday for weeks, the minute you are back on your office, your real reality shit life. We live in such high expectation. As I was updating & browsing through my blogger list, I started to read one of my favorite blogger Timothy Tiah.

LINK-Why do we succumb to peer pressure if were supposed to be special
I am not surprised by the fact that people do get peer pressure. When I was a high school student, I know nothing about fashion, sport nor entertainment. High school was the real deal back then. We tend to follow our friends style & preference of certain statement which was meant to show off during that time. Of course I envied them a lot, but I never told my parents about it except for pilot shakers I own during primary school. HUGE DEAL back then. HAHA

As I entered college things were different. Smart phones & cars were the deal that time, then as I entered work life things get pretty the same but much more expensive. Branded fashion statement, sport cars, investment, estate and all sort, that a 24 years old me couldn't get to do or own any of that. I felt like I haven't been able to see the world yet I have to work my ass off paying & buying for a temporary happiness. I feel so empty inside out. I was given money, I work for money, I buy using the money. Having saving is a good way to a secured future & retirement.

But I haven't explore myself, haven't find my REAL passion, haven't experience outside of this place, I have so many things to experience instead of working for uncertain future. My life is not to work, save, have lots of money then die then gave all the inheritance to my child. I want to earn enough for food on the table. Have small & comfy shelter with the person I love. Explore the world, see & touch all the things I have seen or never seen. Most important I want to get out of my comfort zone so badly.

I've been staying in my comfort zone for so long that I'm so scared of it. It really freaks me out. I've been constantly staying in the same place & its increasing my anxiety. It turned worst since last year Dec'15 till Jan'16, you guys can read it here (I'M NOT MOVING ON) I basically shut myself so badly & traumatized. I need get back on feet but it takes longer time than the last time I had trauma attack.

I need time to heal myself. I need time to get back on feet. I need a friend or companion who drives & pushes me out of this scary box. I just need longer time than before. I hope I could get back on feet in no time for my next adventures ahead. I'm taking it slow right now, as for now my family have been supportive not entirely but will. -.- Please give me some positive vibe yooo! I will get better & be better!

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless