Saturday, May 15, 2010

It happen AGAIN!

Last year May is the most horrible thing that heppen to me
suddenly I have this anoymous trauma
since then i never stay alone at home or go out alone
n i don hav the bravery to step into my own house alone
i don know why this trauma will happen to me
why it is not to others but me..

since from last year till now
it still happen again
recently i'm scare again
i don know what happen to me
suddenly i'm full with frighten
n i cried infront of my parents again
since this trauma get into me
i've been thinking negetively
i try to avoid thinking bout it but it seems that is won't dissapear
and a lot things i like to do
has forbidden me

such as music(last year),
words that has to do with killing, crazy, matilah, those kind of words,
and even when i went to kitchen n i saw knife
i will quickly put them in the drawer
i really scare i will do stupid things with it(recently),
now movie
recently we bought cd Avatar n others movie
when my bro watch it i feel weird
my trauma start to get my nerves on
n i quickly turn my focus away from it

there's even a lot of things that i scare most is
being crazy
when it starts to get my nerves on
my mind will feel unconciously
it feels like i'm dreaming
or feel like drunk or have been taking drugs
it also feels like my soul wasn't complete at all

i even doubt for Jesus existence
cz b4 i get this trauma, i fully trust Jesus existence
but now if i think more or even try to understand more bout Jesus
i'll start to get confuse,so i try not to understand their meaning
of it, so i can keep on trusting Jesus's existence

this trauma really gets my nerves on when it comes
nothing will be good, n my mood will straight
away swing n become an emo n silence person
and it will definately effect my studies
just like my SPM result..straight away effected my result

it is really not a nice thing to hav this trauma,
coz it really will effect somthing that i now cannot even describe it.

i really hope this trauma will go away from me.
i just want to live a simple life
nothing more or less just the right thing
ain't life is full of dramatic??
hope it goes away far away from me
God Bless All of Us

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