Exhausted

As time goes by, we're getting old. From baby we learn to speak and walk. A child learn and absorb very fast especially when they were told what they can do and what they can't do. As a kid we learn to get educate ourselves at school and make new friends and make a childhood memories.As a high schooler we tend to break rules, offend people, being stubborn, and being those particular movie series in drama high school.

 As an adult we take responsibility (depends if your a cheater or not or whatsoever) and makes living by working. We learn more about reality and the demand of the society. Sometimes it breaks us apart from our childhood memories. We know that as time goes by we tend to think differently, act differently and talk differently. That's how society and reality made us become the most cruelty person in universe. 

As a baby to an adult, we encountered a lot of emotion, feelings, anxiety, happiness and a lot more. All these feelings will eventually came when there's an unwanted occasion or something that we never expected to come. Live. Old. Sick. Death. 

That's the cycle of being a human. You'll never know when, where, why, how you'll be sick or dead. I always felt that death is what I fear of. Seeing parts of my family gone is what I hated the most. Even I myself  is scared of death. I always has this feeling what will happened when I'm dead!? When I thought about it I'll definitely pray, pray that I'll live longer so I can spend more time with my family. I wanted to be with them even if I don't get married or whatever it is. No matter what. 

Yesterday Grandma called mom that grandpa is sick. Its normal for old people to get sick but this time it got serious. When mom told me what happened I suddenly shuttered in fear and heart broken seeing my grandpa like that. Even when we visited my grandparents I felt sad very sad that I teared up when they were not around. 

At first we thought that grandpa has internal bleeding where he vomit blood and constipate dark look a like blood. After seeing doctor he's much better but very weak and grandma is weak and tired of taking care of grandpa. What I know from grandma's statement we already assumed grandpa has alzheimer. He's been acting weird and talking about what his past and out of our topic. He looked blank all the time his eyes looking around the house as if it was an unknown places. Forget what he did, forget where's his room and toilet, forget what he wanted to do, can't listen properly.

In a sudden motion everything became a shock on us. Mom and I were so scared that something might go wrong with grandpa, so we looked after him and stay with grandparents all night after work. With one night and all these thing going around we're exhausted and tired. In the sense of fear and worries. We're so fear that anything could happen anytime, worried that grandma couldn't handle grandpa alone.

Grandma is the most tired one physically and mentally and my mom too. Even tho I was just staying at grandparent's house I felt very tired especially my mind. So many things run through my mind that I got so tired, I know I'm tired but I can't fall asleep at all. It took me nearly an hour to fall asleep and I myself is sick too. 

In just one day I felt like I work out too much even tho I did nothing at all. Too much of thinking and worried all those stuff. We thought that something could happen when we found out grandpa is ill. In my mind I wish that even tho he has alzheimer I hope grandpa is still alive and healthy. That's all I wanted, that's all. 

God Bless everyone and my family. Amen.