Is age the problem?

Its been awhile for me to update on this blog. Probably because I'm trying to express deeper here. It gets a bit personal for me. So I want to blog about. Now that I have settled in Perth I left everything behind and look for something new and adventure. But it seems that I am still reminiscing my time back home with people I'm dear with. 

As far I have been here trying to adapt Aussie culture and life, I learnt something new. Human are so realistic. It doesn't matter how old or young when they could change their life into better and greater they will strive for it. I knew that Aussie especially Perth has great amount of Asian immigrant and students. The life in Aussie is so great that people are trying to get into here. No matter how absolute the fact is.  

I am currently staying at Geraldton WA. It is small town just like KK but less building and people, approximately 40,000 people. Its really a relaxing and calm town to begin with. As soon as I arrived I felt different compared back home. Back home are full with busy traffic, tall building, shopping mall and people. Its getting tons of people in KK right now that I hate it so much. Crime rate even increased as well. Not a friendly and happy city like it used to be. 

There are much more elder in Geraldton here. Because most youngster went to bigger city life Perth or Sydney or Melbourne. There's always much more people in the big city. As far as I'm concerned that most elder are married with Asian. The older guys are looking for Asian wife because they will take good care of them. Not only that Asian here do spread words to others when Aussie elders are looking for long term partners. Currently the highest Asian population in Geraldton is Vietnamese and China. 

So they don't really care for the age gap between them. I mean if it is acceptable for them it means that it is alright. Of course there are small certain people who just couldn't accept it. Its just that this world turns differently than it use to. LGBT, age gap difference, difference nationality is such common in our life's right now.

But I couldn't find myself falling for them. I mean I'm still in unrequited love position for 3 years but I STILL LOVE HIM. Even when we didn't chat or anything as long as we meet up I am the happiest and most loved. Not to mention I was with flirting with younger guy. We had lots of sweet talk but I'm so afraid that he would really took it seriously. So I draw a straight line and never contact him ever since. I mean I shouldn't do that to him, it is because he could find someone younger and beautiful and smarter person than me.

Maybe I should just find some Aussie guy here and married off. I need to forget my unrequited love and just really find anyone who is good to me. I'd always find it hard to forget the person I love so much. Cause they always hold special meaning and feelings. Anyway I'm gonna celebrate my birthday in Aussie so its fine! hahaha

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless

Someone save me!

I need distraction. I really want to run away. Please save me. I feel so desperate right now. I've been so negative lately that it really affects me so badly. I couldn't calm down nor have a rest. I don't want to say but I feel like dying. Its not that I want to die but the depression & negative is so hatred right now its pushing me down. I'm so scared. I felt so suffocating. I'm tired. I always felt that I don't want the day arise where I'll be alone at home waiting for time to pass by. My head is spinning right now. 

I'm drowning. I need to run away from here a.s.a.p. I want to cry all night long. Just cry, just cry. 

Oh God save me!

LONG COMEBACK POST

VOOMEI.BLOGSPOT.MY

Making a comeback session on this blog! I haven't abandon this blog as it kept so much memories when I've first started it. I have my small amount of reader here. My friends who blogs were gone nor updating for years now. I think in the future I will continue to blog either here or at here VOOMEI.BLOGSPOT.MY At first my purposed of 2nd blog was created to define my overall lifestyle I experienced from travelling to content that I find it useful to my reader. As time goes by, things do get back to when I first started in this blog.

I stopped posting travel post nor any content, I began to wrote long words & letters to express my life I'm going through. I don't really want to let anyone get into deep about what I have been thinking. But all these frustration is pilling up so badly. I haven't rant as much as before & I'm keeping it to myself so much that physically & mentally drained.

I always thought that running away is the way of doing things right. I still do feel that way. Escaping reality is hard. The minute you enjoy your long awaited holiday for weeks, the minute you are back on your office, your real reality shit life. We live in such high expectation. As I was updating & browsing through my blogger list, I started to read one of my favorite blogger Timothy Tiah.

LINK-Why do we succumb to peer pressure if were supposed to be special
I am not surprised by the fact that people do get peer pressure. When I was a high school student, I know nothing about fashion, sport nor entertainment. High school was the real deal back then. We tend to follow our friends style & preference of certain statement which was meant to show off during that time. Of course I envied them a lot, but I never told my parents about it except for pilot shakers I own during primary school. HUGE DEAL back then. HAHA

As I entered college things were different. Smart phones & cars were the deal that time, then as I entered work life things get pretty the same but much more expensive. Branded fashion statement, sport cars, investment, estate and all sort, that a 24 years old me couldn't get to do or own any of that. I felt like I haven't been able to see the world yet I have to work my ass off paying & buying for a temporary happiness. I feel so empty inside out. I was given money, I work for money, I buy using the money. Having saving is a good way to a secured future & retirement.

But I haven't explore myself, haven't find my REAL passion, haven't experience outside of this place, I have so many things to experience instead of working for uncertain future. My life is not to work, save, have lots of money then die then gave all the inheritance to my child. I want to earn enough for food on the table. Have small & comfy shelter with the person I love. Explore the world, see & touch all the things I have seen or never seen. Most important I want to get out of my comfort zone so badly.

I've been staying in my comfort zone for so long that I'm so scared of it. It really freaks me out. I've been constantly staying in the same place & its increasing my anxiety. It turned worst since last year Dec'15 till Jan'16, you guys can read it here (I'M NOT MOVING ON) I basically shut myself so badly & traumatized. I need get back on feet but it takes longer time than the last time I had trauma attack.

I need time to heal myself. I need time to get back on feet. I need a friend or companion who drives & pushes me out of this scary box. I just need longer time than before. I hope I could get back on feet in no time for my next adventures ahead. I'm taking it slow right now, as for now my family have been supportive not entirely but will. -.- Please give me some positive vibe yooo! I will get better & be better!


Till then,
Cheers & God Bless

The Real Me

I talk softly but doesn't mean I'm really soft. Its just a waste of saliva & breathe to talk.
The real me : I talk as loud as possible when I'm comfortable with my surrounding people.

I don't respond to people's joke not because I don't care. Its just that I really don't get jokes at all.
The real me: I just hate jokes that doesn't makes me understand.

I really like to stare blank. It doesn't mean that I'm thinking.
The real me: I just completely immerse myself somewhere off to the outer space or another dimension of the world until someone poke my bubble dream.

I always wear comfy clothes whenever I can but it doesn't mean I'm sloppy.
The real me: I dress up for different occasion in a proper way and even comfy clothes it has to be the best and new.

I look like a leader or good in everything that everyone depends on me
The real me: I'm only good on things I'm good at so it doesn't mean I'm perfect in EVERY ASPECT.

I'm a healthy person
The real me: I'm healthy in a sense that I'm still young.

I eat properly
The real me:  I eat properly because I eat healthy food and just indulge everything I've want.

I sleep properly.
The real me: sleeping too much is making my back pain

I exercise
The real me: I do enjoy jogging a lot but become lazy ass when no one accompany me

I have smartphone! Everyone does!
The real me: Less than 20 apps in my phone. Throw my phone in the edges without touching it for the whole night or days when there's no msg or call at all.

I have a lot of sociable best friends
The real me: Envy them for being able to make even more friends. Cause I always sticks to them without getting new friends.

I have a passion for photography
The real me: Struggling and self confidence super low. I just need to practice even more. But I'm getting great result lately! Yay for hardwork!

I love to travel! I need to travel even more!
The real me: I better earn some money before I could even went out and buy food for myself

I just have complicated life & way of thinking.
The real me: It was just my heart & brain fighting together to won over or to concur over me.



The real me just don't give a fuck at all because in the end I'd give a fuck over it. Geddit!?!?

No where better

Now that I've been working for 1 month in a new environment, I thought that I could stay in the company longer and become better but I'm no where good. My heart & mind is constantly running away from reality. I hate the fact that I always think too much. If I could just work it out without thinking so much it would be better for me. I wanted to clear my mind but reality kept on pushing back. My heart is aching and I've never felt this empty before. As if my heart suddenly stop sending me signal of what I should do and let my brain concur everything.

If I could just stop thinking too much and about future. Whats important now is not my future but my presence itself. If I don't do better now nothing much will change in the future. Even tho I think that, it still involved my future. How funny is that. These types of thought really makes me so sick. I'm getting so much headache than before lately. 

I don't wanna think too much that's all. END.

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless.

Positive & Negative

Its been a great week at work. I really love the positive environment at my new work place. Even tho I don't have the chances to slack off it makes me more motivated and focused on my current job. I have never thought that I could get into such a great place to work with. I hope I could stay in this positive environment longer. Previous 2 company I've worked with really pressure me with lots of negativity. It makes me irritated and depressed. I'm loving the peaceful environment I'm working now. Because I'm not influenced with negative people. 

Sometimes I wonder if its Karma or deja vu. I've always thought that I'm blessed and my life is filled with good people around. It hit me when my mom said that my previous colleague that I've work with influenced me with negative thoughts. Its true but I don't want to admit it. I'm a person that gets influenced easily especially with negative. Actually I don't mind these kind of people but once I get too attached, I act and behave like them. That's what I hate the most. I tried to be strong but I couldn't but thanks to that colleague I'm out of negative environment. It made me realized that I get frustrated & depressed with these kind of environment with people I'm involved but now I get the best and I'm feeling super great.

Now that good things is happening in my work life it doesn't mean that other else doesn't. The biggest fear that I've thought has already appeared. "Acting strange", this is happening. Whenever something in a family is "acting strange" it brings no good. Even though I'm prepared but when its bound to happen I think I couldn't face it properly. When I knew that "acting strange" is happening I've already running away a lot of times. Sometimes I wonder is it because of my fault. But I know the one who is suffering is not me, its the person that supported this family. 

Drama in reality sure does scary than in movie. I need someone who I can tell and cried and lean on. Thinking these really frustrate me a lot. Give me some positive vibe yooooooo. I'm planning to tell these problem with my close friends but I don't think they will really comfort me for the way I wanted. I missed my most trusted best friend. Every time I'm happy or sad I always think of her and wanted to tell her everything. I probably cried my ass out when I'm going to meet her in the future because she's the only person I love and trusted a lot (I'm straight ok!). You know people move on in their own life. She goes her way I go my way. Adulthood sure sucks. One regretted things I said during my childhood was "I want to quickly grow up and become an adult". But I'm not regretting the way I am now because I have to faced the fact that people grow and change. Its life. 

Thanks to manga/anime I felt much better! lol

VOOMEI.BLOGSPOT.COM

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless.

Tomorrow.

Just got back from my Kuching trip. It will be our last time to go to Kuching for vacation. We went there merely just for their delicacies. Kuching is a food heaven for us. We enjoyed their food. But Malaysia's economy is not doing good. Price increase is the worst and scariest thing. Not to mention the weather in Kuching is so hard to breathe in. The air smells really bad and the haze is really getting worst. One thing I like about Kuching is their laid back lifestyle but it somehow feels empty. 

Anyway got back and I have to face reality again. I'm starting my new job tomorrow. I'm making excuses for not being able to achieve my passion towards photography. I still love my passion but it requires a great amount of effort. I'm moving in a constant time but everything I've been doing for my passion is not moving forward. So I'm taking it slow this time. I don't want to rush. I want to pursue my passion but in different way of achieving it. 

Its going to take time because I want to enjoy it, not rushing for something that makes me miserable & sad. I won't give up even tho its going to take time to achieve. I wanted to capture a lot of great picture all around the world. Capture the moment where people will acknowledge & admire a picture without even speaking a word of it. 

Tomorrow I'm going to start off as new & fresh. I know I still can't believe how much time has passed by & I don't want to remind myself how I hate doing things I don't like but I'm going to move forward no more backward. Its going to be hard & difficult but I will try & do my best of all. Wish me luck & all the best guys. 

VOOMEI.BLOGSPOT.COM

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless. 

Too much to handle

For our country Malaysia this is definitely a mourning year for us. With the mystery & tragedy of missing MH370 already breaks our heart, whatnot a recently tragedy happened on MH17. Deep condolence to all the affected people & passenger's family. Also kidnapping incident happening in Sabah right now. Its so frustrated that we couldn't do anything to help but to mourn and pray for them.  

No wonder I've been having nightmares lately. My nightmare is horrible & I couldn't sleep 2 days before & the day of the incident took off. Not to mention feeling uneasy all day night. I'm not saying that I'm able to forecast something or what but my feelings have been shaking a lot lately.

My mom told me that, "No matter where we go or what we do from up sky, ground, road or at home, anything could happen. Its part of our life's cause someday we will die. We just have to admit it." Especially after the MH370 incident occurred. I am so afraid to take flights, it was when I've already prepared to go for my vacation. I'm a timid person I'm scared of death. Even though I'm scared of death, I still wanted to go travel.  Life is too short and we must live without any regrets. 

Now is not the time to blame who is right who is wrong. We should be united as one, and pray for peace. Let us pray for the them, MH370, Sabah kidnap, Palestine & Israel, Russia & Ukraine, war, racial, social media, foremost the people around us & the world we are living now. Let us pray for peace and unity. 

VOOMEI.BLOGSPOT.COM

Till then,

God Bless. 

Paradise Kiss

I just finished watching Paradise Kiss. It brings back a lot of memories when I re-watch the anime. I remember watching this when I was 12 plus. Back then around my age, anime were really a hit especially with Japanese song and movie. But its kinda sad that K-pop has over taken the trend. I bet nobody know anyone in Japanese now, even myself. -.- I'm definitely out of the trend right now. So watching new & old anime really makes me happy & emotional. Too much fantasies, so unreal to me that this reality really sucks to the infinity. 

Just as I've said. I'm living in a paradise. I don't wanna leave this paradise because reality has taken its toll on me right now. I'm not ready to face the reality right now, I'm immersing into fantasies just to comfort myself. But I know I couldn't stay in paradise for too long. I'll let go this time, having just for myself, just let me satisfied this paradise until I get pissed off that made me angry & realize for being stupid & recklessly. 

I know I'm making myself staying in the past. Because that's where all the happiness I have. Life of being an adult is really harsh huh. I hope I can make decision soon. I hope. 

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless.

Optimistic

What will my future holds I wonder. Is it wishing for a prince come to save my life & life happy ever after? Or throw away your fear & go for a success passion? I've been watching KUWTK for a long time. I felt that I'm a bit similar with Kourtney except for the wealth. -.- I'm fear of changes. Even tho the problem is fading but still unsettle, it frustrated me. I've been thinking too much about the changes I'm going to face instead of moving forward with the decision. 

I've been making A LOT doubt recently. So many doubt it leads me to confusion & fear. I want to escape or just cry out loud with someone beside me without any talking. I need a shoulder. A big shoulder that could comfort me in anyway. Some one who support my passion, who love for who am I. Even in relationship, I rejected. Cause I fear of failure relationship. I hope I could be stronger than anyone. 

I just need to be more optimistic more about my life right now & how grateful that I have family that I love even tho there's imperfection. Every household has their own stories. So I just need to get over it. Work & travel & photography.  This will be my life right now. 

While I'm still young & capable I want to go travel as much as possible. So for now work, travel & photography is all I want. Not love & family this time. That's all I'm aiming for. Nothing more. Just say that I'm selfish or whatever. I want to be more independent. Cause I'd never know what will happen next. Try to be as selfish as ever just for myself & love myself even more. 

VOOMEI.BLOGSPOT.COM

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless. 

Money win

The title says it all. Money win and I'm going for money this time. No matter how hard I go with my passion it won't do good. With money I'm able to go for my passion. Cause money win. I'm struggling between studies & working this time. It was a serious decision. But I go for working. Because with money I'm earning in between I still can go for my passion as a freelance photographer. This time I won't choose the hard way to go. 

I'm going for easy way this time. Because I don't want to struggle anymore. Its exhausting. This time I'm not standing on education side. I really want to go for studies where I really can study and increase my knowledge for photography. In between I'm struggling with tuition fees. How am I going to pay for all the fees? I felt like this won't do good. My parents its on the verge of retirement soon. I'm not kidding even tho I'm only 22 this year. I feel like time is running out way too fast this time. I'm constantly battling with time right now. 

My family's condition weren't that good anymore. That's where I decided that its time to go for money. But in the same time I'm still accepting photography services since its still my passion. So I'm not giving up yet. Not yet. Hope I can go through it. I hope. 

PA

To tell you the truth I'm not good in sociable, making deal & closing deal, nor good in talking. Most importantly I'm afraid of changes. I got used to sitting down in office working, but then I got irritated for sitting in a desktop for too long. Now that I've got the chance to change. I could improve everything that I'm lack of. Like seriously. PA is such a challenging job for me. I wanted to try out because I can learn a lot, and see the bigger world around us. Not only I'm afraid of changes but also not confident. Where's all the confident I have during high school & college? I lose all of this when I started work.

Not to mention I went to interview & that GM is really nice that I've got nothing to say. She's good in everything especially confident. She could really become an entrepreneur. She kept saying that I'm scared, its not true. I am just speechless. My brain couldn't generate question. I have nothing to ask cause I just can't think of anything. 

I find it so weird. I think that God is leading me somewhere better but I always questioned. I think this is  a great opportunities to explore & learn more. But I'm confused & scared. I'm in doubt. Sometime its hard to get out from our own comfort zone & challenge one self. In the end I still think that going for my passion is the right thing. It may take time to get out of my fear & comfort zone but I believe going for what I really want will eventually lead to better way. Even tho I'm struggling in my passion but with hard work I will definitely achieved it. All I need to be right now is thick skin so I can improve my confident. lol

Anyway I'll be MIA for 2 weeks since I'm travelling again this time. Korea here I come! Mean more blog post to share to you all on my main blog! Click down below to view my blog. :)

VOOMEI.BLOGSPOT.COM

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless

Favorite Country

If I have tons of money I would definitely go to this place.

Its like my dream country to visit Paris. 

Lets work hard from now on! 

Oh I'm flying off tomorrow for my next trip. 

I was overwhelming from the last trip to Penang so I kinda felt nuisance. lol

How can I say no to travel?

VOOMEI.BLOGSPOT.COM

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless

Confusion

I always thought that going for my passion is hard but its even harder. A lot harder and a lot of confusion going on. I'm playing this game way too safe. I always thought that I came out from my comfort zone, to tell you the truth I haven't. And now I'm in state of confusion. Even if I'm working hard on my passion it always leads to something else. Really. Sometimes it pushes me away yet I still want to go for it. Its like playing hard to get that kind of relationship thing. Now that I go for my passion I wonder if this IS my passion or NOT. 

I know that once I've change my path it will be different, my future will be different. What if I just go for my passion? What if I just go with the flow instead? What if........ So many what if. Voomei is in a state of confusion right now. Hope I can solve this soon. Bye

VOOMEI.BLOGSPOT.COM

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless.

290514 : Last Day of work

I can finally say I'm officially jobless for the rest of the year. lol I've been so busy with my photography business and not to mention all the photo I've took from my trip to Penang & Langkawi. Also this Sunday we had another client shoot. MY LIFE IS AWESOME! Not yet tho. Been busy organizing my timetable & to do list before I fly off to my next trip again. 

1. I can fully focus into my photography business right now. Not only that, I'm doing a lot of homework about camera, lighting, posing & etc. So much to learn. I'm happy! oh so happy!

2. Going outbound this time! KOREA is definitely my favorite place of all! Not because of Kpop its because their food is oh so delicious & not to mention their fashion & cosmetic. I'm so excited to fly off next week! 

3. Beside photography, I'm working on beauty & fashion, so I'm working out for better body figure! I don't want to make my life so miserable for not fitting into all pretty clothes. Gonna work hard on exercise & dieting. 

4. I'm no longer suffering from working on a place I hate the most. I'm free, I'm happy, I'm self conscious when working on things I like. I felt that I could work & do even better in photography. Passion will always make us improve to a better person. Striving for my dream!

5. Last day of work today was full of deep conversation. I met amazing colleague through this shit work life & they made me so happy. Of course its sad to leave them since we've become so attached and treated each other as friend instead of colleague. We will definitely meet again in the future. 

To all people out there who is struggling to go for your passion I'd say just fucking go for it. If we never try we never know what would happen to our future. Go for a change, it maybe hard, we may find a lot of excuses, we may ignore but one shall not say they live a life without trying to change & go for their own passion. We may fail or succeed BUT that's part of our life. I'm doing this because I want to change not only to pursue my dream but to look deeper in our purpose of our life. We only live once. Go for it I'd say. We are the future, we may change the future to a better place.

VOOMEI.BLOGSPOT.COM

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless.

To all salesman

Like hello!!!! Get the way out? Yes I'm referring to you you You YOU! Its no point selling me anything. I seriously hate sales person. Yes its great to have great sales and enjoy the benefit buying from sales person. But then what if I don't want. Can you see its so hard to reject the offer especially you meet your long lost primary friend and he started talking about insurances.

I was like 'Can you stop talking about your job, its nothing interesting!' 'And stop selling me something'. When I was thinking all of this I unconsciously skip part of the things he was saying. Its so hard to concentrate when people start selling, its like reading or study. You know what I mean? Unless I am really interested in your insurance or any other product then I don't mind listening but now no. I have no money, I'm jobless (I told him I'm still working lollllll), I'm busy setting my business. I HAVE NO TIME FOR YOUR INSURANCE TALK!!!! 

When we meet we should talk about our high school life & our times when we were young & how the others are doing right now. NOT START TALKING ABOUT YOUR SALES. OMG I need a break, I've encountered too much sales person that I really hate because I soon will become one NOO!! I'm seriously not good in socializing anyway so don't call me ever. We even exchange contact just now! OMG Please don't find me. 

Every time I've met people its like I try to avoid talking cause I don't know what to talk nor say. Its like my head trying to find stupid topic to talk about, like seriously. So hard to find topic to new people or people that we've haven't talk for so long. I like to talk when I understand them and they understand me so its great. Anyway I'm not good in socializing need to practice hard on that part. sigh. 

VOOMEI.BLOGSPOT.COM

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless

Excuses

Hi! Am I doing it right or what? I just agreed to stay till end of May. This is the second time I've agreed to my boss that I'd delay a little bit longer. I am so worried that when the day come for the replacement she won't appear. I really hope she come to replace me so I could hand over everything. All the work I've been handling is really a lot. Like seriously a lot even my supervisor doesn't even know. Not to mention now I've kept forgetting things which makes my work even harder. I couldn't concentrate, I feel tired and unmotivated at all. All I do was waiting for my vacation for the day to arrive.

Also I was so excited with the trip on sat, that I've already pack my clothes except for toiletries. My mom was like are you kidding me??? Yeap I've pack my clothes. Probably going to wear the same clothes on June trip again! Recycle comfy clothes on the trip is my essential! haha You know I'm into fashion lately but I has no money to spend. Maybe I'm going to save more on this sat trip and spend a fortune on June trip. June trip is like the most expensive trip I've been to and the most excited ever!! Its a foreign country so I'm excited as fuck!!! GAHHH HOLIDAY WHY U NO COME FASTER AND SLOW DOWN WHEN I'M ALREADY ON HOLIDAY??

Where's all the time we've been doing?? Time is money people! Means more booking, more income, more vacation!!! I'm excited that this year my calender is all pack with awesome event & booking! but I need my holiday right now!!! Oh btw I'm watching a new Korean variety series called Roommate! I love Park Bom! She's awesome and funny! Go watch! Bye

VOOMEI.BLOGSPOT.COM

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless

Family being mehhh

From the outside it looks like they were being supportive but deep down inside they are expecting me to fail and stop all these impossible to happen kind of job I'm pursuing. I understand that because I'm an amateur. Being jobless and doing things from scratch is really hard. All the planning is already making me really tired. Even though it was really tired but I'm happy. Even all the things didn't go accordingly I am happy with it. I think and solved it properly without abandon any of the task I'm facing. 

Unlike with my current job. I purposely abandon all the work, pretend that I forget when I'm not, delayed everything for almost a year. How awesome is that. Yeah I'm being such childish ever in my life. At least I'm getting back in track again with my current shit job, cause I don't want to give bad impression (which already have) even worst. I just hope that the person who is going to replace me doesn't back out, like really, like seriously don't back out. I want to get over with these job A.S.A.P but my mom was like stay there if that replacement doesn't want to replace my position. Obvious intention mom. 

My mom wanted me to stay there as long as possible but I couldn't, I hate it so much that the work load was purposely abandon. How could I even stay at there longer? I just couldn't do it. Now to compensate my shit behavior I'm going to clear out everything I could so that my replacement could suffer less. lol Which probably going to be easy for her as if she just went to work just like going to vacation. Oh please hurry up time!! Let me go to vacation! When its vacation time I hope the time just slow down. I'm just being bitchy sometimes. Thank for reading my shit life here. 

VOOMEI.BLOGSPOT.COM

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless

Random Thoughts : Vacation & Reality

I cannot wait for the time to come to go on vacation! Its been awhile since I've go to any vacation. I long for it. As time approaching, I find myself stuck. I've delayed another 2 weeks before new colleague is going take over my job. Maybe because I still felt insecure right now. So I try to stay as long as I could in this shit company. In the same time I couldn't wait to get over it.

Things hasn't going good lately. I get good respond but I couldn't get any customer for the moment yet. Its just 1 sample and its not enough. I need more sample to convince them I am the best. As I looked through all people who is in the same path I'm going, it seems that there are way more than I've expected. Ads keep popping up from the same field I'm in. I couldn't possibly do any ads with all the expenses I have accumulated. I need a decent plan for now. 

Planning is not easy. Plan A not working, go for Plan B, if not C, D or more. I'm working on it. Even if parents were pouring reality on me, I still believe that I could achieve it. I just need some proper plan and time. I can do it!!!!!!! Never give up!!! There's a lot of people really inspired me to go for my dream, it encourage me a lot. 

Sometimes I do felt like I could burst out anytime, when my partner is just being low class. Maybe because I've got influenced by all those from people surrounding me. I think differently. I act like a high class people when I'm not. Because that's how society do now days. You have to act in order to get attention. Being pure hearted or honest could sometimes destroy everything. So I set a high standard when I know I'm not in that level yet. Because I wanted to be the best. 

Everyone is dressing up, expensive dinner, expensive gadget, that's how we are now. We are setting it a high standard because everyone started to judge, from head to toe. It was not long ago I was off from work, I somehow unexpected wearing really old shirt to a mall. I felt embarrassed, really embarrassed. I felt out of the place, I felt ugly, I felt fat, everyone is judging at my appearance, I wanted to run away, hiding somewhere that no one could judge me. This is reality. Everyone judge. Its getting sick. 

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Till then,

Cheers and God Bless.

Move forward

Starting up was not easy. We still have a lot of things to prepare before the shoot begins. Everything goes on smoothly. Only worried that the sample is not ready till the promotion ends. It's been awesome week. My parent's support felt weird to me although I've already knew how they would react. But everything is so surreal right now. I need to slap my face again. lol I cannot wait to start off our sample shoot. 

Its going to be awesome. Still have a lot of things to go through, back drop, accessories, lighting and etc. We are starting small but we hope we can go big enough to be international recognized. I have bigger dream! But I'm still moving forward one step at a time. I don't want to rush anything and just go with the plan we arranged and go for it. Its going to be awesome indeed! Also even when I do photography doesn't mean that I won't do any else. I'm learning to make video! I'm growing and learning more. Just hope that everything will be fine and awesome! 

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Till then,

Cheers and God Bless.