Is age the problem?

Its been awhile for me to update on this blog. Probably because I'm trying to express deeper here. It gets a bit personal for me. So I want to blog about. Now that I have settled in Perth I left everything behind and look for something new and adventure. But it seems that I am still reminiscing my time back home with people I'm dear with. 

As far I have been here trying to adapt Aussie culture and life, I learnt something new. Human are so realistic. It doesn't matter how old or young when they could change their life into better and greater they will strive for it. I knew that Aussie especially Perth has great amount of Asian immigrant and students. The life in Aussie is so great that people are trying to get into here. No matter how absolute the fact is.  

I am currently staying at Geraldton WA. It is small town just like KK but less building and people, approximately 40,000 people. Its really a relaxing and calm town to begin with. As soon as I arrived I felt different compared back home. Back home are full with busy traffic, tall building, shopping mall and people. Its getting tons of people in KK right now that I hate it so much. Crime rate even increased as well. Not a friendly and happy city like it used to be. 

There are much more elder in Geraldton here. Because most youngster went to bigger city life Perth or Sydney or Melbourne. There's always much more people in the big city. As far as I'm concerned that most elder are married with Asian. The older guys are looking for Asian wife because they will take good care of them. Not only that Asian here do spread words to others when Aussie elders are looking for long term partners. Currently the highest Asian population in Geraldton is Vietnamese and China. 

So they don't really care for the age gap between them. I mean if it is acceptable for them it means that it is alright. Of course there are small certain people who just couldn't accept it. Its just that this world turns differently than it use to. LGBT, age gap difference, difference nationality is such common in our life's right now.

But I couldn't find myself falling for them. I mean I'm still in unrequited love position for 3 years but I STILL LOVE HIM. Even when we didn't chat or anything as long as we meet up I am the happiest and most loved. Not to mention I was with flirting with younger guy. We had lots of sweet talk but I'm so afraid that he would really took it seriously. So I draw a straight line and never contact him ever since. I mean I shouldn't do that to him, it is because he could find someone younger and beautiful and smarter person than me.

Maybe I should just find some Aussie guy here and married off. I need to forget my unrequited love and just really find anyone who is good to me. I'd always find it hard to forget the person I love so much. Cause they always hold special meaning and feelings. Anyway I'm gonna celebrate my birthday in Aussie so its fine! hahaha

Till then,
Cheers & God Bless

Someone save me!

I need distraction. I really want to run away. Please save me. I feel so desperate right now. I've been so negative lately that it really affects me so badly. I couldn't calm down nor have a rest. I don't want to say but I feel like dying. Its not that I want to die but the depression & negative is so hatred right now its pushing me down. I'm so scared. I felt so suffocating. I'm tired. I always felt that I don't want the day arise where I'll be alone at home waiting for time to pass by. My head is spinning right now. 

I'm drowning. I need to run away from here a.s.a.p. I want to cry all night long. Just cry, just cry. 

Oh God save me!

LONG COMEBACK POST

VOOMEI.BLOGSPOT.MY

Making a comeback session on this blog! I haven't abandon this blog as it kept so much memories when I've first started it. I have my small amount of reader here. My friends who blogs were gone nor updating for years now. I think in the future I will continue to blog either here or at here VOOMEI.BLOGSPOT.MY At first my purposed of 2nd blog was created to define my overall lifestyle I experienced from travelling to content that I find it useful to my reader. As time goes by, things do get back to when I first started in this blog.

I stopped posting travel post nor any content, I began to wrote long words & letters to express my life I'm going through. I don't really want to let anyone get into deep about what I have been thinking. But all these frustration is pilling up so badly. I haven't rant as much as before & I'm keeping it to myself so much that physically & mentally drained.

I always thought that running away is the way of doing things right. I still do feel that way. Escaping reality is hard. The minute you enjoy your long awaited holiday for weeks, the minute you are back on your office, your real reality shit life. We live in such high expectation. As I was updating & browsing through my blogger list, I started to read one of my favorite blogger Timothy Tiah.

LINK-Why do we succumb to peer pressure if were supposed to be special
I am not surprised by the fact that people do get peer pressure. When I was a high school student, I know nothing about fashion, sport nor entertainment. High school was the real deal back then. We tend to follow our friends style & preference of certain statement which was meant to show off during that time. Of course I envied them a lot, but I never told my parents about it except for pilot shakers I own during primary school. HUGE DEAL back then. HAHA

As I entered college things were different. Smart phones & cars were the deal that time, then as I entered work life things get pretty the same but much more expensive. Branded fashion statement, sport cars, investment, estate and all sort, that a 24 years old me couldn't get to do or own any of that. I felt like I haven't been able to see the world yet I have to work my ass off paying & buying for a temporary happiness. I feel so empty inside out. I was given money, I work for money, I buy using the money. Having saving is a good way to a secured future & retirement.

But I haven't explore myself, haven't find my REAL passion, haven't experience outside of this place, I have so many things to experience instead of working for uncertain future. My life is not to work, save, have lots of money then die then gave all the inheritance to my child. I want to earn enough for food on the table. Have small & comfy shelter with the person I love. Explore the world, see & touch all the things I have seen or never seen. Most important I want to get out of my comfort zone so badly.

I've been staying in my comfort zone for so long that I'm so scared of it. It really freaks me out. I've been constantly staying in the same place & its increasing my anxiety. It turned worst since last year Dec'15 till Jan'16, you guys can read it here (I'M NOT MOVING ON) I basically shut myself so badly & traumatized. I need get back on feet but it takes longer time than the last time I had trauma attack.

I need time to heal myself. I need time to get back on feet. I need a friend or companion who drives & pushes me out of this scary box. I just need longer time than before. I hope I could get back on feet in no time for my next adventures ahead. I'm taking it slow right now, as for now my family have been supportive not entirely but will. -.- Please give me some positive vibe yooo! I will get better & be better!


Till then,
Cheers & God Bless

The Real Me

I talk softly but doesn't mean I'm really soft. Its just a waste of saliva & breathe to talk.
The real me : I talk as loud as possible when I'm comfortable with my surrounding people.

I don't respond to people's joke not because I don't care. Its just that I really don't get jokes at all.
The real me: I just hate jokes that doesn't makes me understand.

I really like to stare blank. It doesn't mean that I'm thinking.
The real me: I just completely immerse myself somewhere off to the outer space or another dimension of the world until someone poke my bubble dream.

I always wear comfy clothes whenever I can but it doesn't mean I'm sloppy.
The real me: I dress up for different occasion in a proper way and even comfy clothes it has to be the best and new.

I look like a leader or good in everything that everyone depends on me
The real me: I'm only good on things I'm good at so it doesn't mean I'm perfect in EVERY ASPECT.

I'm a healthy person
The real me: I'm healthy in a sense that I'm still young.

I eat properly
The real me:  I eat properly because I eat healthy food and just indulge everything I've want.

I sleep properly.
The real me: sleeping too much is making my back pain

I exercise
The real me: I do enjoy jogging a lot but become lazy ass when no one accompany me

I have smartphone! Everyone does!
The real me: Less than 20 apps in my phone. Throw my phone in the edges without touching it for the whole night or days when there's no msg or call at all.

I have a lot of sociable best friends
The real me: Envy them for being able to make even more friends. Cause I always sticks to them without getting new friends.

I have a passion for photography
The real me: Struggling and self confidence super low. I just need to practice even more. But I'm getting great result lately! Yay for hardwork!

I love to travel! I need to travel even more!
The real me: I better earn some money before I could even went out and buy food for myself

I just have complicated life & way of thinking.
The real me: It was just my heart & brain fighting together to won over or to concur over me.



The real me just don't give a fuck at all because in the end I'd give a fuck over it. Geddit!?!?

No where better

Now that I've been working for 1 month in a new environment, I thought that I could stay in the company longer and become better but I'm no where good. My heart & mind is constantly running away from reality. I hate the fact that I always think too much. If I could just work it out without thinking so much it would be better for me. I wanted to clear my mind but reality kept on pushing back. My heart is aching and I've never felt this empty before. As if my heart suddenly stop sending me signal of what I should do and let my brain concur everything.

If I could just stop thinking too much and about future. Whats important now is not my future but my presence itself. If I don't do better now nothing much will change in the future. Even tho I think that, it still involved my future. How funny is that. These types of thought really makes me so sick. I'm getting so much headache than before lately. 

I don't wanna think too much that's all. END.

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless.

Positive & Negative

Its been a great week at work. I really love the positive environment at my new work place. Even tho I don't have the chances to slack off it makes me more motivated and focused on my current job. I have never thought that I could get into such a great place to work with. I hope I could stay in this positive environment longer. Previous 2 company I've worked with really pressure me with lots of negativity. It makes me irritated and depressed. I'm loving the peaceful environment I'm working now. Because I'm not influenced with negative people. 

Sometimes I wonder if its Karma or deja vu. I've always thought that I'm blessed and my life is filled with good people around. It hit me when my mom said that my previous colleague that I've work with influenced me with negative thoughts. Its true but I don't want to admit it. I'm a person that gets influenced easily especially with negative. Actually I don't mind these kind of people but once I get too attached, I act and behave like them. That's what I hate the most. I tried to be strong but I couldn't but thanks to that colleague I'm out of negative environment. It made me realized that I get frustrated & depressed with these kind of environment with people I'm involved but now I get the best and I'm feeling super great.

Now that good things is happening in my work life it doesn't mean that other else doesn't. The biggest fear that I've thought has already appeared. "Acting strange", this is happening. Whenever something in a family is "acting strange" it brings no good. Even though I'm prepared but when its bound to happen I think I couldn't face it properly. When I knew that "acting strange" is happening I've already running away a lot of times. Sometimes I wonder is it because of my fault. But I know the one who is suffering is not me, its the person that supported this family. 

Drama in reality sure does scary than in movie. I need someone who I can tell and cried and lean on. Thinking these really frustrate me a lot. Give me some positive vibe yooooooo. I'm planning to tell these problem with my close friends but I don't think they will really comfort me for the way I wanted. I missed my most trusted best friend. Every time I'm happy or sad I always think of her and wanted to tell her everything. I probably cried my ass out when I'm going to meet her in the future because she's the only person I love and trusted a lot (I'm straight ok!). You know people move on in their own life. She goes her way I go my way. Adulthood sure sucks. One regretted things I said during my childhood was "I want to quickly grow up and become an adult". But I'm not regretting the way I am now because I have to faced the fact that people grow and change. Its life. 

Thanks to manga/anime I felt much better! lol

VOOMEI.BLOGSPOT.COM

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless.

Tomorrow.

Just got back from my Kuching trip. It will be our last time to go to Kuching for vacation. We went there merely just for their delicacies. Kuching is a food heaven for us. We enjoyed their food. But Malaysia's economy is not doing good. Price increase is the worst and scariest thing. Not to mention the weather in Kuching is so hard to breathe in. The air smells really bad and the haze is really getting worst. One thing I like about Kuching is their laid back lifestyle but it somehow feels empty. 

Anyway got back and I have to face reality again. I'm starting my new job tomorrow. I'm making excuses for not being able to achieve my passion towards photography. I still love my passion but it requires a great amount of effort. I'm moving in a constant time but everything I've been doing for my passion is not moving forward. So I'm taking it slow this time. I don't want to rush. I want to pursue my passion but in different way of achieving it. 

Its going to take time because I want to enjoy it, not rushing for something that makes me miserable & sad. I won't give up even tho its going to take time to achieve. I wanted to capture a lot of great picture all around the world. Capture the moment where people will acknowledge & admire a picture without even speaking a word of it. 

Tomorrow I'm going to start off as new & fresh. I know I still can't believe how much time has passed by & I don't want to remind myself how I hate doing things I don't like but I'm going to move forward no more backward. Its going to be hard & difficult but I will try & do my best of all. Wish me luck & all the best guys. 

VOOMEI.BLOGSPOT.COM

Till then,

Cheers & God Bless.